The Week the ODT Tried to Write Pornography

To start this week the ODT is dropping shocking truth bombs.

 

 

There goes everything I know. I always assumed that replicating authentic Asian cuisine and the mystical arts were one and the same, like a dumbass. I also enjoy that the ODT put ‘isn’t magic’ in quotation marks to distance themselves legally from that controversial statement. 

 


 

Then the ODT just were really into a bird.

 

 

Maybe it was because it was elderly. The ODT do love pandering to their demographic. 

 


 

Next, the ODT are reporting on things that are self-evident, again.  

 

 

It’s Speight’s; of course it wasn’t fit to drink. 

 


 

Then the ODT got an impressive scoop.

 

 

Critic wishes we got this interview. Kumara! In Dunedin! Wack. 

 


 

For fans of the ODT reporting on inane shit, the “Sky Watch” column is absolutely essential reading. 

 

 

A shepherd on a lonely peak gazed up into the abyss of darkening sky. “Cor blimey, the moon’s up there! Wait until the Independent Voice of the South hear this!”

 


 

We turn to the letters section,

 

 

What do I think? I think you’re crazy, Arne. It couldn’t be done. Imagine having dance music in the Octagon, what’s next? Women parading around town in just their petticoats? Disgusting. 

 


 

Then this very cute public notice from someone who appears to live in New Delhi

 

 

Why is this in the ODT? Why does Rahul want everyone to know he changed his name? Why did he change it so slightly? Why do New Delhi addresses sound like they come from a science fiction book? So many questions. 

 


 

And finally this week, we take yet another look at Deputy Editor Paul ‘Barry’ Gorman’s daily column “What’s With That? Trying to Make Sense of the Modern World – With Your Help”. Always a source of joy at ODT Watch, this week Barry’s outdone himself with a very sexual account of his morning routine.  

 

 

I’m very surprised the ODT hasn’t had a press council complaint about this; it’s ridiculous that they can publish such filth. 

 


 

To his credit, Paul Gorman went on to pre-empt the inevitable complaints. 

 

 

Critic encourages anyone with negative opinions of ODT Watch to email whatswiththat@odt.co.nz, where you will no doubt receive a lot of sympathy. 

This article first appeared in Issue 21, 2018.
Posted 12:00am Friday 31st August 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin.