How to Know if You Should Take Yourself to the Doctors

How to Know if You Should Take Yourself to the Doctors

It’s that time of year. Exams are nigh, Seasonal Affective Disorder is imminent, fruit is about to get so expensive you get scurvy and if you haven’t had chlamydia yet, chances are you might. 

At this time of year, it is hard to know if you are actually sick (at least if you’re sick you can be in bed where it’s warm and dry), and it’s also hard to know when you should go to the doctor. This is why you have us.

Any good health practitioner will/should tell you that the best medicine is being healthy in the first place. There are many ways to stay healthy: eating, sleeping and shitting on the regs is a great first step. In winter all three of these things can get confused by the rain. 

A way to combat said confusion is to switch from coffee to herbal tea or a simple decaf in the afternoon. If you get a teapot, you can have tea with your friends, which is also good for you. Teapots are reportedly the best instrument for blowing out the sinuses. 

Another thing a lot of people forget to do is to breathe the whole way in and the whole way out, clearing the sinuses and warming the lungs. An easy way to fix this is to roll your elbows in, so the inside of your arm faces the front. Voila, breathing and posture fixed. Go on, try it for yourself now. 

So those are some small ways you can not be pale, rashy and sneezy this winter.

Here are some ways to determine how ill you really are: use a thermometer, if your temp is 37+ Cthen you’re ill. If you’re coughing/sneezing blood, then you’re ill. If you are peeing blood then you are ill, or on your period (which is a great opportunity to freak out your flatmates and be like “OH MY GOD I’M PEEING BLOOD”). If you are struggling to physically shift yourself from the bed to the toilet, then you’re ill. If you’re still chundering from the party two days earlier, then you’re ill. 

In all of these instances you should drink lots of water, get some sleep, heat up your room, and take a health day. Better to rest early on than have a breakdown in exam season. And remember water is actually REALLY GOOD FOR YOU.

Go to the doctor if: you’ve checked WebMD and its most likely not cancer – but you just want to make sure. 

Don’t go to the doctor if: you’re just wanting to chat up that cute secretary in the pink jumper with the twinkly eyes and the compassionate face. Nah, actually you go talk to the hot secretary! You go!

You should go to the doctor if: you think you should go to the doctor, but you won’t because you’re too embarrassed, or if you’ve got legitskies painskies and ugly skin bits. 

But remember, if this is your first winter in Dunedin, Winter is Coming. 

Aroha Nui,

Mama Zo and Aunt Kell.

This article first appeared in Issue 11, 2018.
Posted 8:28pm Friday 11th May 2018 by Zoe Taptiklis-Haymes and Kelly Davenport.