Critic Booze Reviews | Cleanskin Pinot Gris

Critic Booze Reviews | Cleanskin Pinot Gris

Cleanskin Pinot Gris is a playful number that dances gently on the taste buds and fills the room with laughter. Of course, by “dance,” I mean “stomp” and by “laughter” I mean “screams of pain”.

Cleanskin takes all the leftover backwash from all the half-drunk glasses in all the dirty pubs around the country, chucks them into a big plastic bucket, and stirs it around until it’s just an indecipherable mess of grapes, spit, and ethanol.

The best part about Pinot Gris is that “Gris” is French for “grey”. As far as I know there are no grey grapes. However I do know that “greywater” is the term for all wastewater from your bathroom sinks, showers, tubs, and washing machines. Could this be a sneaky attempt to double-dip and sell your own shower water back to you?

It’s like someone who has never seen wine before, but knows it is alcoholic and made of grapes, just randomly mixed a bunch of shit together and banked on cheapskates who don’t really drink wine anyway buying it up because it’s dirt cheap. It’s like being face fucked by a grape vine that’s been doping on Agent Orange.

That being said, the whole point of a Cleanskin Pinot Gris is that it’s a gamble. You gotta be in to win. You could get a shot of fucking lighter fluid, or you could get a delightful bouquet of flavours. You also don’t have any idea what kind of wine it’s gonna be either. Even though the label says Pinot Gris, you could end up with anything from a buttery Chard to a Sav Blank to a sugary sweet Reisling.

Honestly, even the people that make it don’t know what goes into it, so why should you? It costs less than $8 and you can get it down at the BYO before your curry comes out, so it’s a win from me.


Tasting Notes: Linseed, lychee, citrus fruits, watermelon, apple, grass, exhaust, battery acid. Fuck, I don’t know, there could be literally anything in there.

Pairs Well With: Fucking heaps of butter chicken with a couple garlin naans.

Froth Level: Getting tipsy with the gossip mums while the kids are at school.

Taste Rating: 3/10

This article first appeared in Issue 7, 2018.
Posted 10:22pm Thursday 12th April 2018 by Swilliam Shakesbeer.