The Definitive Guide to Talking About The Sex That You Or Other People Are Having

The Definitive Guide to Talking About The Sex That You Or Other People Are Having

Here’s the thing with sex – like most things you will do in your life, it’s going to be good, it’s going to be bad, and it will often seem like a good idea when you’re drunk. But, just like getting sex advice from your well-meaning father, you don’t need to always take it that seriously.

Of course, we encourage and endorse any beliefs (religous or not) that you have around the reasons for having sex – unless of course it promotes non-consensual sex. Because as we all know, non-consensual sex is both illegal and not cool.

While talking about sex, we like to bring up what is maybe the 11th or 9th commandment – do unto others as thy would do unto thyself. If you’re planning to ask for oral, offer to reciprocate first.

When talking about the sex that you and other people are having, it is important to maintain privacy. Remember privacy is a shared responsibility. For example, if someone hacked my phone, they would be invading both my privacy, but also the privacy of all those who message me. Same goes with contraception – be responsible for yourself, and never assume your Sekthual Partner is prepared. Assumptions make an ass out of you and me. And it may seem like a distant possibility, but both parties can/should eventually reach orgasm. If you’re struggling on sharing these responsibilities, Sleeping With Other People provides an insightful and educational tutorial on orgasms, with a BONUS feature-length film.

Other important things to note when advising on how to talk about sex is: knowing what the bits are called. Vagina is pronounced Va GY Nah. Penis is pronounced PEEE NISS. Boobs are pronounced BOOBS. Clitoris is pronounced CLE TAURUS. Nah, we’re just twisting your nipple. Nipples are a delightful erogenous zone to start talking about because most people have at least two nipples, and it’s only fair to start on an even playing field.

While advising on sex, remember that just because you offer up nuggets of pleasurable truth, it doesn’t mean your advice has to be taken.

We advise you to advise to begin on a bed, appreciate the moment, and most of all smile! (smiling does two things a) make your partner fall in love with you, b) lets your partner know you’re having a good time).

Aroha nui,

Your Aunties here at Scarfie_Fitspo

This article first appeared in Issue 4, 2018.
Posted 9:20pm Thursday 15th March 2018 by Zoe Taptiklis-Haymes and Kelly Davenport.