Top 5 Reasons Why Celebrities Shouldn't Endorse Things
This magazine is called the Critic. Not the goddamn Complimenter. So that’s what I’m going to do: criticise those celebrities who deserve it.
5. It can go horribly wrong. Celebrities are a bunch of loose units and can knock out a business’s image faster than I change the channel when Shortland Street is on. We’ve all seen Mr. Family, a.k.a. Tiger Woods, go on a sexual escapade that would make Ron Jeremy raise an eyebrow, which embarrassed most of his sponsors. Chris Brown got the smack down from the ‘Got milk?’ campaign after he laid the smack down on Rihanna. Most of the time it’s not worth attaching a product to a celebrity for risk of the next drug/alcohol/sex/porn scandal.
4. They can’t do anything right. Al Gore is a massive fan of stopping climate change. Cooleo, me too. So he decided to hold a ‘Live Earth’ concert to raise awareness for climate change. Sweet, sounds good. Then he flew in around 150 artists from all over the world, pumping an estimated 31 500 tons of carbon emissions into the atmosphere in that single day. ...
Wait...what the fuck? Damn you, Al Gore! Considering that the average American releases about 20 tons a year, that is an outrageous amount of emissions. Why didn’t you just burn down a rainforest and release a CD instead? It probably would have had less effect!
3. It usually doesn’t make sense. Okay, I guess it’s fair enough to get the All Blacks to endorse Powerade or Kobe Byrant to endorse Nikes, but sometimes an advert can just leave you thinking “What. The. Fuck?” Take, for example, an ad I was linked to that was a part of an anti-crack campaign from the eighties. Have a guess who they used. Pee-wee Herman. That’s right, they used Pee-wee-fucking-Herman to convince people to say no to crack cocaine. I dunno if you’ve seen Pee-wee’s Playhouse but it’s rather terrifying to say the least and looks like it’s been produced by someone who either has snorted far too much crack for their own good and/or is clearly batshit insane.
2. It’s lazy. I don’t know about you, but I think getting celebrities to endorse a product is fucking lazy. What’s wrong? Your marketing department isn’t clever enough to come with something sophisticated and witty? Do you seriously fucking think that I want your “Fujitsu air” because Stephen Fleming told me I should? I am unimpressed. Surely a person with a Marketing Degree must learn the skills to produce a creative and effective marketing campaign ... Never mind.
1. Holy shit. Sometimes words aren’t enough to describe something. I rest my case, Your Honour.
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