No Fringe, No Indie. | Issue 4

No Fringe, No Indie. | Issue 4

No Fringe, No Indie explores the styles and cultures that are so unique to Dunedin, and how you too can embody the style of your choice. The style exposition of the week is ‘mainstream’.

Think normal, think average, think generic. Being ‘mainstream’ at Otago involves everything but moderation - social smoking, drunken debauchery and possibly promiscuity every Thursday and Saturday evening at friendly venues such as The Cook, Malbas, and undeniably the Monkey Bar. Meanwhile, such eager individuals will ‘grind’ or ‘crump’ to the likes of Dub-Step, Drum ’n’ Bass and Electro-Pop in a bid to ‘pull’ a potential long term boyfriend or short term girlfriend. According to mainstream enthusiasts, it is custom to live in a hall in their first year, reside on Castle Street in second, before venturing to the brighter and greener pastures that is City Rise. With regard to fashion; those of the mainstream variety tend to dabble in designer labels, puffer jackets, non-running sneakers (there is a difference, apparently), and of course, one must not neglect to mention the strange portmanteau that is ‘jeggings’- which are supposedly more socially acceptable, if not ridiculously similar to, the taboo ‘tights as pants’ phenomenon.

So, if you find the above description inspiring, and wish to subscribe to the mainstream model, here are some instructions on how to make your very own jeggings, to assist you in your quest to find the new mainstream you.

  1. Approach the safe haven of hoarders and bargain hunters alike, known as Spotlight. Ignore the rude unpaid/overworked dark souls enslaved by the affliction that is customer service.
  2. Rummage and find a fabric that best emulates real pants. For example, spandex with jean print; or better yet, animal print. The more colourful the better - this may distract bystanders from the fact that these are not in fact pants, but drift towards underwear on the pant meter.
  3. Acquire/borrow/steal a sewing machine from a contemporary female or mother of your long-term boyfriend, because, naturally, no ‘mainstream’ boy would dare dabble in the art of textiles.
  4. Cut that stretchy, borderline offensive fabric. Sew those puppies. Don’t bother measuring or being too pedantic about the quality of your sewing because the fabric generally discriminates against EVERY body type.
  5. Lastly, take note of that nasty ‘chaffing’ area located in the inner thigh – the nature of the fabric deems said pants unsuitable for exercising, or really, moving at all.

Being normal or mainstream at Otago University is, well, normal, and I wish you all the best in your ‘jegging’ endeavours.

– Sasha Borissenko
This article first appeared in Issue 4, 2012.
Posted 4:27pm Sunday 18th March 2012 by Sasha Borissenko.