Diatribe - 23

It is a common belief that the "Exam period" of Otago life is detrimental to student romance. When exams are happening and a few weeks beforehand, it is apparently a terrible time for scuxing, flirting, sexing, doing spade work or making sweet love. It is commonly thought that as people go out on the town less and there are less parties, less events etc., it is less likely that you will meet that person you fancy, or that people are less keen for getting it on. In essence, the end of semester is apparently the opposite of O-Week, which is some pinnacle of rowdy sexual encounters and possibly regretted hook-ups.
This belief is false. In fact, the exam period provides a myriad of circumstances which combine to make it the most sexual time of the year. The mass population shift of people burying their heads and brains into books and lecture notes is actually the greatest sexual catalyst possible and you are probably just not aware of it yet.
This is the case for a number of reasons:
a) Exam preparation can make people stressed and very busy. This makes people want sex. A LOT.
b) While it is commonly thought that a lack of events and parties has a detrimental effect on sexual magnetism, the opposite is in fact true. Parties and events often actually are more detrimental than one first realises. The presence of friends, exes and competition can all interfere with romance. People can be cockblocks or you may become too drunk to perform. Also, many people don’t want to miss the parties or events and feel it would be a social faux-pas to do so. Finding the right time to sneak off with your desired partner without attracting gossip can be difficult. This state of affairs contrasts with the individualised and discreet schedules people move into during the exam period, with no immediate cockblocks in sight.
c) During the exam period, people are often at their flats, on Facebook, on the phone or in the library, very keen for a chat and procrastination. Perfect for developing a relationship. In fact, it’s pretty much the only reason anyone contacts anyone else during the exam period.
d) As the exam period progresses, many people finish all their exams and leave uni for the year. People at halls and flats can suddenly find themselves in very quiet and romantic circumstances with people they have always wanted to kinda shag all year.
e) The fashion parade at the library becomes more desirable as it finally becomes warm and sunny in Dunedin and people start wearing less clothing. Reow.
f) There is no better excuse to visit someone for sexy-times than to say "let’s have a study session". It’s much more plausible to explain to other people than saying someone came over to watch a movie, which is well known to mean 100% of the time that you had sex. "I was up all night working on a late essay with so and so" also means 100% you will have sex, but it’s not as well-known a euphemism.
In sum: Exams are an aphrodisiac and the exam period is in fact the most sexual part of the university year. You just aren’t aware of it because it’s all so discreet. BRB, going for a study session.
Posted 2:19am Monday 12th September 2011 by P. Bateman.