International Women’s Day was around a week ago now, on March 8th. I think a decent amount about what it means to be a woman, and the majority of the time my sentiment is that I’m very happy to be one.
However, I am a special kind of woman. I’m an intimidating one. I don’t just say that to stroke my own ego – I hear it all the time. My mum’s nickname for me growing up was either Ice Queen or Primadonna, and the eventual punchline for many awkward social interactions has been “I was afraid to talk to you”, or that someone has said that I’m “scary”. When I came out of high school I eventually heard about how I was apparently a popular kid with so many friends that I came across as unapproachable. In reality, I was sitting in my car eating lunch alone throughout the whole of year 13.
I get it – you can just say I come across like a bit of a bitch. The kicker is that this misconception always seems to come from other women.
Now it’s the start of the semester, I am reminded of this fact – particularly in tutorial or workshop settings. I am not blameless. I see a lot of women that I am blown away by, and it often takes me a minute to get the guts to go and say hi. But part of being a girl’s girl is making the effort to get to know other women. I adore the conversations, the jokes, and the drive that so many wāhine possess. However, often it feels like I say too much, or too little. I make an effort to smile, and not have a ‘resting bitch face’. It can be exhausting to try and consistently appear as pleasant, praying it translates to approachable.
Paradoxically, I don’t feel like I have issues making friends. My mum always told me to interact with someone at least seven times before giving up on forming a friendship, and I live by that. I’ll always leave a paper with at least one new friend, even if it only formed mid way through the semester. Why the delay?
“I thought you didn’t like me.”
I wonder if it has to do with the situations or occupations I put myself in, or how serious I sometimes look. Maybe my smile comes across as threatening, my offers of help seem backhanded, or my expressions of interest disingenuous. But in the great words of Baby Keem’s highway 95, “I’m inspired by the women with no rivals”. I have no rivals. I like everyone, especially other women. One of the reasons why I like working for Critic is that the vast majority of our leadership team are strong, beautiful women.
I guess my plea following International Women’s Day is to get to know more “unapproachable” women, and stop the rhetoric or assumption of being “scared”, especially in academic settings where so many are brilliantly successful. Take some time to break through (it may take seven tries), and be inspired by “intimidating” women.
