Aquarius

Jan 20 - Feb 18

To all my Aquarius baddies, your love life is set to intensify so get ready! May your life be filled with love, lust and liquor. 

Check off the to do list: Vote in local elections. 

 

Pisces

Feb 19 - Mar 20

Sometimes, people can make you feel bad for being confrontational and direct about your feelings and boundaries. Fuck ‘em! It’s not your fault they can’t handle strength and communication. 

Check off the to do list: Pay off the student loan. 

 

Aries

Mar 21 - Apr 19

Apparently y’all are pressed about how rough I’ve been on Aries this year. Well, too bad. Maybe if you weren’t so obnoxious, things would look a little different. 

Check off the to do list: Change your door lock. 

 

Taurus

Apr 20 - May 20

If you were an inanimate object, you’d be the sexy Lisa Rinna M&M. Keep serving cunt. 

Check off the to do list: Restock your weed. 

 

Gemini

May 21 - Jun 20

Gemini, things have been a little tough for you recently. Just remember to focus on the positives in life, and surround yourself with good people. Better days are to come! Enjoy your youth. 

Check off the to do list: Open your savings account. 

 

Cancer

Jun 21 - July 22

The line between friend and foe is often blurred. The people who say they’re harmless, often aren’t. Be aware of others intentions, and set those boundaries baby! 

Check off the to do list: Vacuum your room. 

 

Leo

July - Aug 22

Hm. No visions or prophecies for this week sorry. Just keep Leo-ing through life, Leos. 

Check off the to do list: Create a study timetable. 

 

Virgo

Aug 23 - Sep 22

While your instincts may tell you to have fun and party, keep moderation in mind. It’s getting to the end of the year, and your priorities should be grinding, not gearing. 

Check off the to do list: Wash your bed sheets. 

 

Libra

Sep 23 - Oct 22

Although you like to play it cool and flirt your way through life, it’s time to abandon this mentality. Live out your teenage fantasies and do some crazy shit. Cry over a failed situationship. Buy yourself some candy. Skateboard to uni. World’s your oyster. 

Check off the to do list: Find a new hyperfixation.

 

Scorpio

Oct 23 - Nov 21

Unsure what’s up your ass this week, but it must be something big, that’s for sure. 

Check off the to do list: Go thrifting for a spring look. 

 

Sagittarius

Nov 22 - Dec 21

Get a fucking grip. You might think you’re friendly, but you’re actually just overstepping. Read the room, for God’s sake. 

Check off the to do list: Refill your vape juice. 

 

Capricorn

Dec 22 - Jan 19

Only thing going down on you this week is your grades. It’s time to get that ass into gear. All brain, no head. 

Check off the to do list: Get an STI check.