Archive

Notes on a Scandal | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by Brittany Mann

On a recent drive to Christchurch I stopped to use a public loo. In the gathering dusk, the cinderblock building looked so foreboding that I seriously considered leaving a Hansel-and-Gretel-style trail from my car, all the better for the police to find my dismembered remains when I met my demise in Read more...

Yes We Might! | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by Creepy Uncle Sam

The current orthodoxy when picking a Vice Presidential running mate is to choose somebody who complements the candidate and appeals to different demographics. For instance, Obama is young, black, and eloquent, so he chose Joe Biden, an old white guy who accidentally says “fuck” at press conferences. Read more...

For The Record | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by Lukas Clark-Memler

“Today is a big day for hip hop,” said Def Jam co-founder and hip hop heavyweight Russell Simmons, talking about Frank Ocean recently proclaiming his bisexuality. In a poetically intimate Tumblr post, the Odd Future member and saccharine crooner revealed that his first love was a man. Cue the Read more...

Straight Up | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by La Dida

Recent life experiences have taught me something interesting: Christchurch is the progressive centre of the South. It seems wherever I go these days Christchurchians go out of their way to welcome my return to our fair city with my favourite nom de slur: faggot. This word is routinely hiffed at Read more...

Diatribe | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by

I have some questions for students who take such an impassioned stance regarding their “right to drink”, especially on the public streets. Why is altering your consciousness with any intoxicant and being an unreal version of yourself such a desperate desire? Why is legal access to guzzling alcohol Read more...

Microbiographia | Issue 15

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by Toby Newberry

So the column this week is about my new historical crush, Hypatia. Having a crush like this might seem kinda pointless given that she died more than a thousand years ago, but I’m banking on time-machines being invented pretty soon. Courting Hypatia will be number three on the to-do list, right after Read more...

Me Love You Long Time | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by Lovebirds

Critic’s blind date column has been running for a while now. We’ve all got some good laughs out of it, and at least a few people have scored themselves a night of romance. But here at Critic we feel that it’s time that we stepped it up a notch. The date is now at Little India to add a little more Read more...

Editorial | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by Joe Stockman

It seems very 1930s to be having a debate about alcohol, but here we are. Parliament is looking at legislation to up the drinking age, the University is going further and further in its efforts to reign in student drinking, and the city council continues to consider the proposed North Dunedin liquor Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by

Don’t worry – while you were away, the ODT was all over the critical issues affecting Dunedinites and those further afield. As ever, it delivered informative and insightful reporting. For instance, it was able to help Jenny from Brockville, who encountered dire trouble with her electric Read more...

Poetry | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Bradley Watson

You sit there (Can you call it sitting?) staring inquisitively out. Is it true about your memory? That sucks Actually, you suck. No actually, you do: I’ve seen you sucking up all the water Calling it breathing. We breathe too you know, but do you see us Read more...

In 'da House | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Holly Walker

Being Critic editor was great preparation for being an MP. I learned how to put in long nights, manage staff, and be zen about a constantly overflowing inbox. Also, how to do a proper keg stand. That’s less relevant now. Now, I get to “give back” to Critic by writing a column about life in Read more...

Sex at The Dinner Table | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Hugh Hefner and Anna-Nicole Smith

When I first met Tim he turned up at the flat with an ice-cream container filled with caramel slice and a collection of faded pink luggage from his “sister”. My flatmate Shane told me that Tim reeked of virgin, which apparently smells like velvet corduroys. This made me wonder three things Read more...

Notes on a Scandal | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Brittany Mann

This column was inspired by conversations with friends (particularly med students) who have time and again proved to be woefully ignorant of the earth-shattering events that regularly unfold just beyond our borders. I am no current affairs expert. I am not a policy analyst or an Read more...

Yes We Might! | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Showdown at the Storm-in-a-Teapot Corral

Welcome to Critic’s most redundant new column: a weekly update on the United States Presidential election. Redundant, because over the next few months you will have so much Decision 2012 dumped on your head you’ll feel like German zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt, who, having administered 22 doses of Read more...

For The Record | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Lukas Clark-Memler

I’ve owned a Kindle for the last five months. For the first three, it never left its box. Then, in a moment of acute guilt and procrastination, I decided to open the thing up and give it a test drive. I loaded a few novels on and made a real effort at using it in lieu of the traditional book. Read more...

Straight Up | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by La Dida

“So, I always thought queer was a nasty word.” The well-meaning middle-aged cis-woman leans in, her head cocked to the left. “Can you explain it to me? What do you mean by queer?” She has a kind face, and her body language indicates she wants to listen. Often as a queer Read more...

Diatribe | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Taryn Dryfhout

Think university is tough? Try studying while raising kids, despite the complete absence of any support for “study mummies”. When I was growing up, it was common for mothers and working adults to go to night classes at uni. That allowed people who couldn’t give up their employment or their Read more...

Microbiographia | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Toby Newberry

Hey person reading Critic, here’s your first taste of Microbiographia: awesome people you should have heard of but might not have. Each week I’ll profile a different historical bad-ass, letting you know why they deserve wider acclaim and, on occasion, why they currently languish in obscurity. My Read more...

Me Love You Long Time | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Lovebirds

Critic’s blind date column has been running for a while now. We’ve all got some good laughs out of it, and at least a few people have scored themselves a night of romance. But here at Critic we feel that it’s time that we stepped it up a notch. The date is now at Little India to add a little more Read more...

Editorial | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Joe Stockman

In my first draft of this week’s editorial I referred to myself as a writer, and I quickly became stuck on the idea. Was it really okay to refer to myself as a writer when I am only just getting started in my career? I know that I want to be a writer, a journalist. But what is the threshold that you Read more...