We’re doing Haägen because a bunch of tradies are following our reviews and rip into us for being yuppie wankers whenever we talk shit about one of their favourites. This one’s for you, fuckers.
Haägen is apparently German for “we fucked up”. It’s a big, fat phony because it’s brewed in East Tamaki despite the umlaut over the second “a” and the fucking German flag and cross right on the label (seriously – isn’t that false advertising or something?).
To be honest, I’m kind of glad Haägen turned out not to be German. They’ve done some bad things over there, but this would be without question their worst. Haägen is a straight up war crime.
On the nose you pick up a skunk of smoke and burnt plastic. The initial drops on the tongue are heavy on corn flakes, dust, mouldy bread, honey and plastic. In the words of ratebeer.com it “leaves one of the worst aftertastes that I have ever encountered - it is like licking a honey-coated ashtray. This beer is awful. Too many flaws to list. This is one of the worst beers I have ever had. Ever.”
I mean, sure. Dollars per standard, it’s pretty good. It’s a staple beer at any outlet, but it’s also worse than literally every other staple beer. If you rock up to the party with a box of Haägen, people will do a scene by scene remake of “The Great Escape”. The people that make this shit also do Ranfurly Draught, so that says a lot about their brewing ability.
Fuck, Flames are cheaper AND are a percentage higher.
Actually, you know what. Fuck it. Everyone just drink Flames until next week.
Tasting Notes: That time your dad gave you a beer before you liked beer + that time your dad made you smoke a whole ciggy to turn you off them.
Pairs well with: Generally being a fucking moron with no sense of taste, smell, or self-worth.