Columns

Hey. I’m Ben. Welcome to Critic. I hope we all get on real well this year.

You would think they would make sure you have lots of ideas before they hand over to you a magazine such as this one. Well, I’m already out. I spent print night hunkered down under my desk reading old first editorials while various staff yelled at me to hurry up (they got to make sure I speled everything right and then need to make it look pretty on the page). I hope you do think it’s pretty. I’m sure you will.
 
I wasn’t sure whose advice to take. Holly Walker (2005) went for the new mum approach, arranging a play date between you and Critic. Real cute. John Ong (2006) went down the more perverted path of offering to pimp out Critic for your Monday-morning delight. Dave Large (2007-2008) made sure you knew Critic wasn’t OUSA’s bitch and Amy (2009) wrote hers the day after the Toga Parade. Jealous. True to form, going for the easy approach myself, I’ve cobbled them all together. You can just guess who was who. After that I will promote the columns. I think that is how it is done.
 
“You may have noticed our efforts to spice up the relationship between you and Critic. We’ve undergone a little summer makeover, so you still feel like a bit of a fondle on Monday mornings. New regular content is designed to engage you beyond mere casual fingering.”
 
“If you promise to ignore all of your classes before 12 on a Monday, Critic promises to bring you an edifying mix of news, reviews, features, columns, comics unrivalled by any other student magazine on campus. Play together nicely now. Of course you and Critic might be old friends already, in which case you’ll notice that Critic had a bit of a makeover over summer…” (Notice a theme?)
 
“Critic is part of Planet Media, which is owned by OUSA, but we have (and jealously guard) the ability and mandate to criticise the student-elected executive, should they need it.”
 
“Ultimately it comes down to personal responsibility. Stop thinking of your time at Otago as a parentally-funded adventure in the Land of No Responsibility and start thinking of yourself as a lucky member of a vibrant community in a beautiful part of the country.”
 
There. Four editorials in one. Lucky you. The columns are new. We’ve got a right-wing one and a left-wing one; one where people debate each other over important issues – this week: porn! (yes, I wanted to call it the Mass Debate but they wouldn't let me); another one talks about dating in Dunedin (it ain’t quite Sex and the City), and there’s also a guide to the Albums the World Forgot.
 
The features (the bits in the middle with all the words) will be there every week as well. But they’ll discuss different things. This week we got the new Tertiary Education Minister on the phone. This is a big deal.
 
Plus we’ve assembled a panel of experts to critique (see what we did there?) the latest in film, music, performance, and books.
 
Please like us. If you want to help make us better, tear out the volunteer form and bring it in. Or if you wanna just have a bitch (which I understand is a lot easier), you can send us a letter at critic@critic.co.nz.