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I insisted to Olivia that “one does not simply walk into Mordor” (read: Student Life) to skux. However to skux does not necessarily mean sex or even hooking up. To skux is merely to impart a pleasant experience of mutual enjoyment that leaves both parties feeling like empowered sexual beings. This can be as simple as a flirty conversation that leaves a person with the feeling of “I’ve still got it”.

I spent a few minutes envisioning how I might make a chaste girl at Student Life feel sexually empowered. I once dated for a short time a fantastically sweet and petite girl of a very strong, literalist biblical denomination. I enjoyed her company and I could make her laugh. She would even sneak out of her literalist biblical parents’ home to snuggle with me wearing only underwear. However, I quickly realized that she was saving sex for marriage. I was not the man for that role. 

Fast forward to the present: As I was observing Student Life at a recent “couch chat” meeting I was beset with feelings of déjà vu. Despite Student Life’s reputation, and the perception that fundamentalist Christians are disgusted by their own bodies, I sensed that most were sexual beings and could be open to being made to feel beautiful like any other. The level of grooming was generally good, which I guess makes sense if they are all on the lookout for husbands. In terms of skuxability, barring the marriage route I think underwear snuggling would be entirely on the cards for many of these women. In sum, I don’t think Student Life’s women are sexual lepers much more than the general populace. The fact that they may not want to shag is beside the point, and shagging some of them would probably just be insanely awkward and not mutually enjoyable.

As for the men in the group, I was split between my gaydar running incredibly high, and thinking some could use the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy treatment. On pure subjective experience I would consider Student Life as the gayest club behind UniQ. For skuxability, I can only say for the closeted gay Student Lifer that “It gets better” (but only if you come out).

– John Stevens

P.S: Lit club Maidens: Olivia and I will visit you soon enough ;)