Booze review: Nola’s Rich Ruby

Booze review: Nola’s Rich Ruby

Are you a dignified son of a gun? One that skirts around the false perimeters that society places upon individuals? Constantly on guard for the street corners in which you protect? If that sounds like you, you’re likely a fortified wine drinker. We are a put-upon caste of people. Burdened with the title of alcoholic for merely enjoying the cheap delights of blood red wine. I recall my father referring to bottom shelf sherry as “the stuff that alcoholics drink”. Well father, I am sorry to disappoint, but I’m a bottom shelf Dandy. 
Nola’s Rich Ruby is a damned fine ruby red port. It touts a humble experience at a modest price, and it delivers terrific quality. Nola does not reinvent the cask of port, but instead reinforces the fundamentals of a good port: cheap and tasty. A bottle of Nola’s stands as a black monolith, and a glass sits as a deep cherry red, the transformative colour feels like a made deal to enjoy the bottle through the sum of its parts. I expected this to be a peer of Purple Death, but it blows that Grimace-fuck right to smithereens. 
The cherry is nice and deep in flavour, showing some level of complexity while offering up something relatively simple. Whether you want to waffle a load of wank about the complexities of your 750ml $13 bottle of port or purely wish to imbibe, Nola’s offers an avenue for both types of drinkers. You could take this to a professor's house for dinner and impress all with your ability to juggle student poverty with budding aristocracy. 
In true student fashion, the real draw is not the 750ml $13 bottle, but rather the 1.5L $22 megajug of the Rich Ruby. A fucking stupid amount of good port for cheap. If you’re drinking a litre and a half of this stuff, you’re going to paint your teeth permanently red. Show up to your BYO with a 1.5L bottle of port and ruin everyone’s night as you pair a shitty curry with 16 standard drinks. 
A good bottle of port is a pleasure to have. Bring it out to impress guests or use it to beef up your cooking. While Nola’s Rich Ruby may not be a classically “good” bottle of port, it is not a poor substitute. If you are yet to sample the complexity of flavour that a glass of fortified wine boasts, Nola’s is a noble start. 

Tasting notes: I believe that to be… fruit.

Chugability: 1/10. Yeah bro let’s funnel this port. 

Hangover depression level: 9/10. It’s still red wine after all. 

Overall: 7/10. Fuckin giver a hoon aye.

This article first appeared in Issue 24, 2023.
Posted 9:59pm Sunday 24th September 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager.