In The Cage: Can I enjoy movies anymore?

Posted 3:41pm Sunday 11th May 2025 by Jordan Irvine

Captain Corelli’s Mandolin is probably only notable for the fact that it is another period piece so the Cage has an Italian accent that is more Mario than Chris Pratt was. It is devastatingly long and watching it after Sinners – one of the best films to come out this year, by the way Read more...

In The Cage: “Let’s Ride”

Posted 9:55pm Sunday 4th May 2025 by Jordan Irvine

In the late ‘90s, the vibrant colour of the ‘80s faded away, as films – particularly actions and dramas – favoured colour tones of greys, greens, and blues. This is shown in 1999’s 8MM, As the name of the website I watched it on suggested (effedupmovies.com) the Read more...

In The Cage: All Caught Up

Posted 10:26pm Sunday 27th April 2025 by Jordan Irvine

It is now 1997 and the latter half of the decade has a clear emphasis on action films. Most of the films Cage has starred in have been action-packed blockbusters. Perhaps the improvement of CGI and other visual effects had something to do with it. Toy Story, the first film made entirely on Read more...

In The Cage: The Passion Lingers

Posted 11:46pm Sunday 13th April 2025 by Jordan Irvine

At the stage this column was written, the Cage had truly become a part of my life again after a short break. Evie changed her picture of me on her phone to Nic. So here we go.  In Kiss of Death, the Cage is reunited with both Stanley Tucci and Samuel L. Jackson. In one scene Nic bench Read more...

In The Cage: You can’t escape the Cage

Posted 10:22pm Sunday 6th April 2025 by Jordan Irvine

After three months out of the Cage, I was back in. I have not mentioned it so far but there are a lot of boobs in his films. One of the first things you see in Zandalee is a naked woman and it makes me think it had to be in his contract or something. To be honest, most of the film is about naked Read more...

In The Cage: Hey, he’s in these movies!

Posted 6:07pm Sunday 16th March 2025 by Jordan Irvine

Now onto Cage’s first leading role, portraying Randy in Valley Girl. It is the 1983 version of Romeo and Juliet and, honestly, the Cage isn’t the weirdest part of this film. There are the classic Cage-isms that he will hone in on for future works but there is also a very horny mum, Read more...

In the Cage: Throwing away the key

Posted 11:12pm Sunday 9th March 2025 by Jordan Irvine

Reader’s note: This column has been in the works since the 30th of July 2024. Welcome to the Cage. As Critic’s designated pop culture expert, I have been a fan of films for a very long time. This often manifested as becoming obsessed with one particular actor's work in a given Read more...

Predicting Oscar Winners with my Covid Iso

Posted 5:50pm Sunday 27th March 2022 by Elliot Weir

As one of the many annoying film people working at Critic Te Arohi, I found myself obligated to pass judgement on who I think will win the upcoming Oscars. I couldn’t fit all 24 categories here, so I’ve cut out the acting awards, the short films, and a few others. I am also writing this Read more...