Advice on Giving Advice | How to Win Every Drinking Game

Advice on Giving Advice | How to Win Every Drinking Game

If you exist in or around North Dunedin and are somewhere between 18 and 24 years of age, drinking games are gonna be an essential part of your life.  

Most of us can’t remember our first drinking game, and that’s because a lot of us didn’t have someone to advise us on how to do it right. And believe us: there is a right way of doing drinking games.

The first thing to be advised on is the rule that your RAs and wardens and parents all harp on about: pace yourself. You just look like an anti-social idiot if you skull 11 drinks in 30 minutes and then sneak off to cry in a pissed-on bush midway down Castle St. Take the first hour slow, let your body warm up. Gauge your tipsiness. A great time to find your level of froth is to have a cheeky wine while you put your face on. If it’s gone straight to the dome before you’ve found the right “nice top” to go with your jeans, tell yourself, “Jemma, tonight is a slow burn, like a bonfire in the springtime”.

Scientific literature and Student Health advise that if you vomit when you drink, you’ve got a drinking problem. This is probably true of the situation at large. Regardless – in the moment, taking a tacty is a right side better than passing out in the Starters toilets, hitting your head and getting the police to drop you home.

Ok, now on to the more nuanced rules of red cards, drinking games, etc.

Be a good cunt and just look out for your pals. Are they gagging as they scull the rage cup? Take it off them, share it around. On the one hand it’s gross. On the other hand you are strengthening friendships via free alcohol. So really, it’s a win-win.

When it comes to beer pong, it is advisable to not pour straight tequila into all of your cups. Maybe put a shot of it in one cup, and beer or water in the rest. Or juice. Juice is good.

There are many more ways to advise on the safe consumption of alcohol. Mainly, as with drugs, running, sex, exam cramming, the same rule applies: don’t do more than you can do. Know your limits, work within your capabilities, and mainly just focus on having a f+++ing thrilling time, hanging with your beautiful mates, and getting your froth on.

To avoid a hangover: drink at least a litre of water before you go to sleep, eat some food (anything cheesy and delicious is good) and take a slash.  

Kia kaha,

Mammy Zo and Aunt Kell

This article first appeared in Issue 7, 2018.
Posted 10:18pm Thursday 12th April 2018 by Zoe Taptiklis-Haymes and Kelly Davenport.