Disclaimer: In no way do we support being ill and partying
O-week and the first week of lectures have been and gone. This means that all of us attempting to avoid the phresher phlu have now well and truly intermingled.
The biggest problem with phresher phlu is that despite O-week being over, you still kinda maybe most definitely wanna froth. It’s hard being sick. It’s even tougher being sick with a hangover. The poet Ovid himself named the affliction ‘Scarfie Scourge’.
We advise you to begin your day with coffee – not just because you’re sick or wanting to party – coffee is just usually a good idea in the morning. Especially if you’re looking to develop a financially unsustainable habit throughout the year. Once you yourself are duly caffeinated, you are then in a fit state of mind to aggressively advise everyone else to caffeinate also. Now that your day has begun, you can cope with the more intricate details of having the phresher phlu and wanting to party.
Unfortunately, there isn’t a lot you can do if you didn’t get your phlu shot but still want to have some good times. You can however minimise the publicity that your illness gets. If you don’t talk about being sick, no one can really prove how ill you are. Similarly, don’t talk to your mum until your sickness or the partying is over, if you still want her to send you a care package.
Further ways of avoiding phresher phlu and other non-scientifically backed wives’ tales:
- Don’t get with or share drinks with a phresher.
- If you’re planning on nearing the vinicinity of any halls or St Dave’s – wear a sheet.
- If you’re doing this regularly make sure you write on the sheet which side is the outside side.
- Chew a clove of garlic and take a shot of shot cider vinegar every morning.
- Hot toddies aka whiskey, hot water and honey.
- Rub a banana skin on your chest.
- Munch a centrum and gargle betadine.
- Blow your nose (not your mate).
Any further enquiries can be made at Google, or send an email to auntiesK&Z@gmail.com
Better living New Zealand,
Aunty Kell and Zo.