Sex at The Dinner Table | Issue 18
Dairy of Louise
Itís never fun being walked in on. Be it your parent, ex lover, or flatmate, nothing is less enjoyable someone wandering in mid-thrust.
Unfortunately, thatís exactly what happened last week when Louise decided to walk in just as I began squirting some special white chocolate all over Nina, my dark chocolate lover.
In retaliation, I offer you a sliver of Louiseís diary. Louise needs to learn that itís not wise to write a diary in this house. Especially when you live with a computer programmer and store the files unencrypted on what you thought was the inviolability of your hard drive.
Enjoy, fellow pervs.
-- Diary of Louise -- Tuesday 17 July 2012 --Thatís the thing about Shane Ė he isnít very smart. He doesnít seem to make coitus safe, or even convenient. We had the house to ourselves all day, and Shane chooses to get freaky with the zucchini when Tim is scheduled to come home from his masturbating or whatever.
The second problem we encountered was that there were knives lying around and, conveniently for Shane, Iím the one who gets thrown on her back. Luckily, all the vegetables broke my fall this time.
Once the awkward ďIím sorryĒs were over, he proceeded to stretch me out using smaller vegetables first before moving onto bigger things. Note to self: Creamed corn does NOT make a good lubricant.
The vegetables just kept getting bigger and bigger Ė first the carrot, then the cucumberÖ I had to stop him when he got to the pineapple; it wasnít yet time for dessert.
He frowned, and I asked him how much he would enjoy shoving a pineapple up his anus.
Unfortunately for me he looked very excited by this prospect, so I proceeded to lube up all our remaining vegetables (we found root veges work best for this) and push his anus to its limitÖ.
Which, as it turns out, wasnít that high. He only got up to a baby carrot before he whined and backed out. No matter how big the balls, men are always so very precious. He needs to grow a pussy, they really can handle a pounding!
We decided to go back to basic, animalistic fucking, except I was now stretched so wide that his canoe disappeared into my grand canyon. Jokes aside, I still needed to cum, so with only one option left he reached for the vegetables again, which is when Tim walked in.
That boy is going to be spanked so hard as soon as thereís no one around to hear his pathetic screams.