What's better: Keeping Up With The Kardashians on a cold Friday or 818 Tequila on a Tuesday night and keeping up with a developing alcohol addiction?
Kendall Jenner's 818 Tequila has landed in Aotearoa, and we couldn't be happier – finally, I can reach my dream physique of a supermodel and end wars with a Pepsi. However, getting my mitts on some 818 was probably in the top 8 biggest mistakes. This shit put me to bed like Kim’s sex tape. I did not expect Kendall to be such a pisshead, but my god – I had one of the biggest nights of my life. I just about needed a Momager the next day.
Firstly, the fruity sweet taste of 818 makes this tequila somewhat bearable, with a more ticklish honey/caramel aftertaste than others. I would expect nothing less than high quality tequila from everyone’s fav socialist working class citizen, Kendall Jenner. That sweet Barry B Benson honey and floral sweetness of 818 made me wanna go fly a private jet for a five minute commute (new Neuron, maybe?). Ironic, because at a certain point of the night it ended up tasting like a mixture of avgas from an Airbus A380 and backwash. And after a couple more swigs that sweet Rob Roy vanilla taste wears off and it tastes like the hand sanitiser at Central Library. Not that we’d know.
The overly sanitised dentist waiting room taste really fucking lingers (similar to last week’s Henny) and pretty much ruined every drink I touched that wasn't Kendall’s. This resulted in me being a pussy and using a chaser. A sparkling water chaser did help with the awful taste, but definitely did not help the hangover. On the back of the bottle Kendall enlightens us on how perfectly crafted the tequila is for “warm days”; I bet she didn't expect it to be blackout drunk in cold Dunedin. While I do see the appeal of drinking 818 on a warm summer beach day, it was worth suffering the jet fuel taste just to flex by telling everyone Kendall had sent it to me personally (we went to school together xx).
Retailing at $130 at your local liquor store, 818 is fucking steep. Sorry, but you could buy
SO many boxes of Purple Gs instead. We couldn't find 818 in Dunedin so smuggling it from C-City was the next best option (surprised Christchurch has 818 of anything tbh). The purchase set us back both morally and financially, leading to us burying our tears with honey flavoured tequila. The tears help open it up, honestly. While filled with regret originally, this was lessened by knowing we were supporting an underfunded, underprivileged Kendall Jenner who needs about half of my weekly Studylink money, apparently. As the night concluded, 818 Tequila tucked me into bed with a soft “goodnight” and a hard criticism of my life choices. 818 is my honey-caramel-flavoured Kris Jenner, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Tasting notes: Yummy spicy honeycomb ice cream
Chugability: It will come back up. If you want a Kendall bod, go for it ig
Pairs well with: The Communist Manifesto and an Otago Nuggets season pass