Archive

Local Produce: Vagina Dry

Posted 10:32pm Friday 26th April 2024 by Jordan Irvine

Vagina Dry are the new leaders of Ōtepoti Riot Grrrl music. Fronted by El (she/they) on vocals and guitar, she spits forth a political and intersectional feminist message in their lyrics. Backed by Caleb (he/him) on drums and Reef (he/him) on bass, in a short amount of time they have become one Read more...

Debatable: Should students prioritise saving?

Posted 10:12pm Friday 26th April 2024 by Annabel Rhodes

Debatable is a column written by the Otago University Debating Society. The Debating Society welcomes new members and meets at the Business School every Tuesday at 6pm. For: Annabel Rhodes When students think of frugality, we often think of two minute noodles and timing our flatmates in the Read more...

Booze Reviews: Coruba Raspberry, Grapefruit & Soda

Posted 10:02pm Friday 26th April 2024 by Chunny Bill Swilliams

Coruba is meant to be tall, dark and handsome; a drink to remind you of the tropics, or of anywhere you can reliably hang your washing outside to dry. Coruba Raspberry, Grapefruit & Soda is anything but that. The drink is, in fact, short, white and strange. It’s like that one mate that Read more...

Takeaways: Week 9

Posted 9:57pm Friday 26th April 2024 by Critic

SOMETHING TO WATCH Scarfies film Arguably the film that took the cult from Dunedin student culture and put it next to classic, Scarfies encompasses the student experience: a shithouse flat, copious alcohol consumption, drugs, kidnappings (maybe not this one but shit happens yk), and rounds it Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: The Rubber Raxxer

Posted 9:19pm Friday 26th April 2024 by Critic

I had been talking to Latin (easiest decoded code name ever) for maybe a month before my return to the glorious city of Auckland, but nothing had come of it – at least not yet. Upon landing, I promptly received a text from a high school friend inviting me to go with her to town. Lo and behold, Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 9

Posted 9:17pm Friday 26th April 2024 by Critic

Aquarius The tension in your life is building and you feel like you're going to explode. Try going for a run around the harbour, sinking 12 cones, or having a good wank. Take a load off, I’m begging you.  Brand Deal: Smirnoff Pisces Stop pretending you know everything and start Read more...

ChatGOTH: Goth Nights

Posted 9:15pm Friday 26th April 2024 by ChatGOTH

Oh ChatGoth, How can it be that Dunners has Black Friday (Goth queen of NZ) in residence AND Australasia's best synth pop band Robots in Love and still we have no goth nights to dance til dawn in our stompy boots! Whatever shall we do?  穴   Hi 穴, I Read more...

Editorial: 2-in-1 Shampoo and Conditioner Isn’t An Ick

Posted 9:13pm Friday 26th April 2024 by Nina Brown

This could end up being a shit yarn, but you’re lucky – all five of you who read the editorial – that there’s one at all given it was written through post-Hyde fog. Anyway, here’s why 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner isn’t an ick. Last year, for Anna’s Read more...

Booze Reviews: White Russian

Posted 8:37am Tuesday 23rd April 2024 by Chunny Bill Swilliams

There’s something to be said about milk-based cocktails. They’re sweet, creamy, and have you teetering on the edge of shitting your pants. Having recently watched The Big Lebowski, naturally White Russians were the only way to approach this inconsistent but virtuous thrill of Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: Bathroom Olympics

Posted 8:08pm Sunday 21st April 2024 by Critic

This is how I won a $3 plastic trophy for winning a sex competition. Last year a mate and I wanted to attend an event: party buses, bar crawl and silly dress up – ideal. It was a five hour drive away, but we figured that if we found men at the event to shack up with the accommodation was free Read more...

Debatable: Should climate change be an individual responsibility?

Posted 7:56pm Sunday 21st April 2024 by Julia Randerson

Debatable is a column written by the Otago University Debating Society. The Debating Society welcomes new members and meets at the Business School every Tuesday at 6pm. For Let’s face it: the UN’s climate conferences are infamously ineffective, corporations tend to dislike any Read more...

Local Produce: Ann Arkii

Posted 5:25pm Sunday 21st April 2024 by Jordan Irvine

Ann Arkii is the Monarch of the Ōtepoti drag scene. Having performed drag for over a year, Ann is often credited with revitalising the drag scene in Dunedin through the Ōtepoti Drag Directory, which helps feature and encourage emerging drag artists. Critic Te Ārohi sat down with Ann Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 8

Posted 5:05pm Sunday 21st April 2024 by Critic

Aquarius Aquarius, you have been busy, and it’s showing. The dark circles and chapped lips aren't cute. Sometimes taking a night off the booze is a good idea so you won't look 20 going on 35. Your turn on: Netflix adaptation of Wattpad porn Pisces A bad week is in the cards for Read more...

Introducing Your Clubs & Socs Rep

Posted 5:02pm Sunday 21st April 2024 by Emma Jackson

Hello lovely people! My name is Emma Jackson and I am your Clubs and Socs Rep for 2024 <3 A few things about me is that I was born in Saudi Arabia, living there for 10 years before moving back to Aotearoa and setting up camp in Christchurch. I play competitive tennis, love tramping and Read more...

Editorial: Touch Some Grass

Posted 4:55pm Sunday 21st April 2024 by Nina Brown

We’re all saying it: winter is coming, and with it the winter blues. Soon enough it’ll have all of us in its clutches once more as we wallow in the sunless pit of North Dunedin. There are all kinds of things that are recommended to help you cope. My advice? Just touch some Read more...

Local Produce: HŌHĀ

Posted 2:09pm Sunday 14th April 2024 by Jordan Irvine

HŌHĀ is an Ōtepoti noise duo composed of drummer Madison Kelly (they/them) and guitarist Liam Clune (he/him). The band formed in early 2021, with the two friends coming together for jam sessions before eventually becoming a band playing gigs, most recently at Camp A Low Read more...

Debatable: Should we decriminalise all drugs?

Posted 1:56pm Sunday 14th April 2024 by Julia Randerson

Debatable is a column written by the Otago University Debating Society. The Debating Society welcomes new members and meets at the Business School every Tuesday at 6pm. For  It’s high time to hash out some legislation that treats drug use as a health issue, not a criminal one. The Read more...

Booze Reviews: Long White Hazy Lemonade

Posted 1:49pm Sunday 14th April 2024 by Chunny Bill Swilliams

RTD’s have now fallen victim to the shameless marketing trend that’s conned every corduroy-wearing millennial in Wellington into drinking the most experimental hazy IPA. Trying to prove your superiority of taste and class doesn’t cover up the fact you get shamelessly pissed every Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: Ex-Best Friend’s Ex-Boyfriend Fucker

Posted 1:21pm Sunday 14th April 2024 by Critic

Thank god this happened back in my home country, I would be shanked if this got back to them. At my school in year 12, my friend (let’s call her Amelia) got a boyfriend (let’s call him Jed) who had a completely identical (slightly fitter) twin brother. I, being perpetually single Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 7

Posted 1:19pm Sunday 14th April 2024 by Critic

Aquarius You’re at a crossroads this week. Either accept that you have tummy issues and swap to oat milk or shit yourself in the most embarrassing place possible: three metres away from the bouncer outside U-Bar.  Strain of weed to try: Sour Diesel Pisces You take a creative Read more...

Editorial: Stay Safe, Kids

Posted 1:08pm Sunday 14th April 2024 by Nina Brown

Welcome to the Drugs Issue. You may have picked that up already based on the bong-heavy design of both the cover and centrefold. We timed it to come out the week of Hyde Street Party and 4/20 – which conveniently happens to be the same day this year. I see you, OUSA. “Drugs” is Read more...

Local Produce: Purple Dog

Posted 10:09pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Jordan Irvine

Starting off the year with a slew of Pint Night performances at U-Bar, Purple Dog have now established themselves as a prominent Ōtepoti band. As they gear up to release a second single, Critic Te Ārohi caught up with the band to ask about their origin story, new music, and upcoming Read more...

Debatable: Should Hyde residents have to pay for tickets to the Hyde Street Party?

Posted 10:07pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Liam Gould

Debatable is a column written by the Otago University Debating Society. The Debating Society welcomes new members and meets at the Business School every Tuesday at 6pm. For: Liam Gould  Okay, so it might be a bit stink that on top of overpaying for what is likely a cold and damp flat on Read more...

Booze Review: Mulled Wine

Posted 9:57pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Chunny Bill Swilliams

Daylight savings is creeping forward, bringing with it shit weather and a splash of seasonal depression. In this autumnal slump, we want a drink that reminds us of simpler times, like Christmas – not New Zealand Christmas, but the one you see in low-budget rom-coms. I want to get fucked up Read more...

ChatGOTH: Heracles

Posted 9:50pm Friday 5th April 2024 by ChatGOTH

Hi ChatGOTH, I need help slaying the Hydra. My ex will not stop trying to talk to me. As per usual post-break up courtesy, I asked for space but little did I know how challenging this labour would be. Long story short, it got to the point where I had to block her (so my phone would stop Read more...

Takeaways: Week 6

Posted 9:49pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Critic

SOMETHING TO WATCH ‘Almost Pumping’ short film If you haven’t watched it yet, you’re missing out. Isaac Chadwick’s short film ‘Almost Pumping’ is a 16-minute fever dream of surf, as Chaddy and his mates tackle the waves of Indonesia, describing Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: Catman

Posted 8:53pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Critic

We’re coming up on the anniversary of this story so I feel as though I have enough closure to share it. This was my first attempt at a Tinder hook up after a breakup, and I knew the guy from home so I thought it would be chill. No surprises, I was wrong.  Everything is set up, Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 6

Posted 8:28pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Critic

Aquarius When life gives you lemons, make a vodka LLB (lemon, lime and bitters), sit back and watch the world burn. There is nothing you can do to save those plebs. Your morning mantra: I am healthy, I am wealthy Pisces You are very aware of your surroundings this week. While your intuition is Read more...

Editorial: Turn On Your Heat Pump

Posted 8:25pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Nina Brown

It’s time we all grew up and turned our heat pumps on. I will die on this hill. To all the power Scrooges out there, I get it. The early stages of flatting are a hard fiscal slap in the face. You hear the phrase “cozzie livs” (boomer translation: “cost of living”) Read more...

Booze Review: Sour Apple Cruisers

Posted 4:35pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Chunny Bill Swilliams

Critic was a bit late this St Patty’s to jump on the bandwagon and acquire the breatha’s Irish drink of choice: Lime Cruisers. We even mished to the unfamiliar territory of South Dunedin, but to no avail. We were left with the consolation prize, the ugly step-sister of this green and Read more...

Mi Goreng Graduate: Chocolate Mousse

Posted 4:33pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Ruby Hudson

Serves: 6 Time: 20 mins + 2 hrs cooling Bring on those sexual desires and impress that special someone with this smooth and luxurious choccy mousse. Since dark chocolate is packed full of aphrodisiac, this recipe is sure to get you in the mood. While I admit the whole aphrodisiac thing could be Read more...

Local Produce: Give Up

Posted 4:06pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Jordan Irvine

Give Up is the newest Ōtepoti shit-head post-punk band. They came to prominence last year after making the Bring the Noise finals, which was only their second gig. Now, after opening for Beet-wix and snagging a pint night slot, they’re rolling with the motion of the ocean and are keen to Read more...

Debatable: Should you watch porn?

Posted 4:04pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Abby Bowmar

TW: SA, mentions of abuse For You have an internet connection, an incognito tab, and 10 minutes (8? 5? 2?) on your hands. Put aside the guilt your Catholic primary school instilled in you, and remember to disconnect from your flat’s Bluetooth speaker.  Modern society Read more...

Do it Your Fucking Self: How to Breatha-fy Your Room

Posted 3:56pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Sam Smith-Soppet

As a former “dumb fresher fuck”, you’ve just moved into the big wide world. By that, we mean out of a hall, into a beat-as-fuck six-bedroom flat somewhere on Leith, Castle, Dundas or one of the other streets that almost guarantees you are never seeing your bond again. Your room Read more...

Takeaways: Week 5

Posted 3:41pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Critic

Something to watch 5 Broken Cameras  5 Broken Cameras is a documentary film from the perspective of Emad, a Palestinian man who captured first-hand the protests in Bil’in – a West Bank village that struggled against Israeli settlements encroaching on their land from 2005. The Read more...

Editorial: Hook-Up Culture is the New Cool Girl

Posted 3:38pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Nina Brown

Dunedin hook-up culture has gaslighted us all into prioritising male pleasure over female pleasure, and just accepting this as the norm. Women’s sexual enjoyment is swept aside, and being okay with this is added to the criteria of Cool Girl. You’re a Cool Girl if you have mediocre one Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 5

Posted 3:04pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Critic

Aquarius Your rizz is at an all-time high. Now’s the time to start talking to your lecturers and tutors nicely. Build that relationship so that when you inevitably forget to hand in assignments, there isn't too much blowback. Sexy-time song: ‘Close’ by Nick Jonas ft. Tove Read more...

ChatGOTH: Fast and Curious

Posted 2:50pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by ChatGOTH

Hey ChatGOTH, There’s an epidemic of straight people walking slow. As a goth, how do you deal with that?  Sincerely, Fast and Curious.  Hi Fast and Curious,  Confession: I’m a queer slow walker. Yes, we exist. It depends on the breed of goth, but most are Read more...

ChatGOTH: Baby Gay

Posted 10:33am Monday 18th March 2024 by ChatGOTH

Hey ChatGOTH! I need advice. I’ve graduated from just being a bit bicurious to deciding that I’m definitely interested in dating other girls. Exciting, but also very scary! How do I go about doing that here? There are gay girls in Dunedin, right? Is it okay that I’m not Read more...

Debatable: Should the Vice Chancellor’s Salary be Removed?

Posted 6:17pm Sunday 17th March 2024 by Otago University Debating Society

Debatable is a column written by the Otago University Debating Society. The Debating Society welcomes new members and meets at the Business School every Tuesday at 6pm. For With the fucked-up state of academic institutions across the world in a neoliberal system where the Uni is run like a Read more...

Moaningful Confession: Kiss'n Boob

Posted 5:40pm Sunday 17th March 2024 by Critic

I’m sure a lot of Dunedin’s Sapphics can relate. The situation here is fucking dire. The streets of Dunners appear to be void of any queer woman, as do the confessions here. So, I thought I’d contribute a story of my own for your lady-on-lady reading pleasure. Let me set the Read more...

Booze Review: 818 Tequila Blanco

Posted 5:33pm Sunday 17th March 2024 by Chunny Bill Swilliams

What's better: Keeping Up With The Kardashians on a cold Friday or 818 Tequila on a Tuesday night and keeping up with a developing alcohol addiction?  Kendall Jenner's 818 Tequila has landed in Aotearoa, and we couldn't be happier – finally, I can reach my dream physique of Read more...

Local Produce: Rosie Roaché

Posted 5:16pm Sunday 17th March 2024 by Jordan Irvine

Rosie Roaché is a talented visual artist with a show coming to Dunedin Fringe. After the success of last year's candid photography exhibition ‘Flâneur’, Rosie is back with an innovative personal project involving Pasifika culture. ‘Brown Skin Girls’ is a Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 4

Posted 5:10pm Sunday 17th March 2024 by Critic

Aquarius Aquababes, you are levelling up and recognising your worth. Financially you're doing amazing, finally curbing that wee spending habit. Stay focused and remember: just because it's on sale, that doesn't mean you're losing money if you don't buy it. Sweet treat of the Read more...

Editorial: We Need to Talk About Gaza

Posted 5:08pm Sunday 17th March 2024 by Nina Brown

We’re going to talk about Gaza. It would be a mistake to think that this is a decision Critic has taken lightly.  Editorship at Critic is constantly changing. Most editors only stay for one year, with former editor Fox breaking the mould by staying for two. And with each editor, the Read more...

Do it your fucking self: How to fix a scratchy woollen jumper or flannel

Posted 5:04pm Sunday 17th March 2024 by Critic

Yeah, it’s still too warm for flannels but that just means that they’re dirt cheap at op shops. Wool (as in fibre grown from sheep or similar, not just any kind of yarn) is a natural material that keeps you warm and dries quickly when it’s wet. It can also be scratchier than a Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: Luigi's Mansion

Posted 12:07pm Monday 11th March 2024 by Critic

It was a dark and stormy night; the wind was howling like the swirling storm inside (my uterus). Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I tried. It was semester break, and my friends and I decided to mish to Queenstown for a few days. After a long and windy trip across the mushroom kingdom, we Read more...

Booze Review: Hennessy Very Special Cognac

Posted 1:41pm Sunday 10th March 2024 by Chunny Bill Swilliams

Hennessy is like that one soundcloud rapper from high school who exclusively wears Vlone and thinks they’re one song away from making it big. It looks like a top shelf liquor and has the price tag to match, but leaves everyone looking at you questioning who the fuck you think you Read more...

Local Produce: Tama Alexander

Posted 1:30pm Sunday 10th March 2024 by Jordan Irvine

Tama Alexander is a prominent voice in the comedy scene who uses his student experiences to entertain both locally and nationally, combining cutting sardonic humour with musical theatricality. The 2023 Dunedin Fringe Festival saw Tama’s debut solo show ‘Fresher’, which detailed his Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 3

Posted 1:27pm Sunday 10th March 2024 by Critic

Aquarius You have a good head on your shoulders, so why are you leading them on? It’s not like you to be so flaky with romance and friendships. Figure out what you want and commit – it won’t be easy, but it’s better than the guilt, Aquarius.  Habit to pause: Hitting Read more...

Editorial: But Why is the Fun Gone?

Posted 1:15pm Sunday 10th March 2024 by Nina Brown

Students can’t seem to catch a fucking break. There’s something in the water, and it’s certainly not rum. Nothing alcohol-related, adjacent, or even slightly hinting at the A-word. That’s a bad word now.  I’d like to start with the disclaimer that we’re Read more...

Debatable: Should lecture recordings be made available from St Paddy’s Day?

Posted 1:10pm Sunday 10th March 2024 by Otago University Debating Society

Debatable is a column written by the Otago University Debating Society. The Debating Society welcomes new members and meets at the Business School every Tuesday at 6pm. For Every lecturer knows that St Patrick’s Day is a de-facto Dunedin day of rest. To go against this and refuse to Read more...

ChatGOTH: InsomNina

Posted 12:45pm Sunday 10th March 2024 by ChatGOTH

ChatGPT could never. Send all your woes and worries about foes to chatgoth@critic.co.nz for totally real and legit advice. Hi ChatGOTH, I was going to send in something about my sex life but it's been so long since I've felt human touch that there's honestly no point. The more Read more...

Do it your fucking self: How to Unfuck your Vacuum

Posted 4:52pm Tuesday 5th March 2024 by Sam Smith-Soppet

Picture this: you’ve been riding the bender-coaster that is Flo and O-Week, you roll out of your bed on the wrong side of midday, and in a rare sober moment for you (or any student), you realise that your flat is a tip. A bombsite, even. Sure, you rush around and do your laundry, but the Read more...

Takeaways: Week 2 2024

Posted 4:33pm Tuesday 5th March 2024 by Critic

SOMETHING TO WATCH ‘While My Guitar Gently Weeps’ - Prince, Tom Petty, Steve Winwood, Jeff Lynne, more Taking place at the 2004 Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame, two members of the Wilb’s help sing the ‘Quiet Beatle’ banger “While My Guitar Gently Read more...

ChatGOTH: Birkenstunk

Posted 4:26pm Tuesday 5th March 2024 by ChatGOTH

ChatGPT could never. Send all your woes and worries about foes to chatgoth@critic.co.nz for totally real and legit advice. Hey girl!!!! Just thought I would reach out with one of the issues I've currently been going through. Generally speaking, I'm a pretty happy guy with great Read more...

Local Produce: VELVET the label.

Posted 5:11pm Saturday 2nd March 2024 by Jordan Irvine

Max Came is the frontman of indie rock band Hot Sauce Club, and has recently created VELVET the label., alongside Will Georgeson of Pool House and Max Hackshaw of Frank on Tap. VELVET exists to promote artists around New Zealand and the world, currently made up of the three bands but looking to Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 2 2024

Posted 4:21pm Saturday 2nd March 2024 by Critic

Aquarius Aquarius, 2024 is the year to be you. Wear that kinda ugly op-shop top or those shoes that hurt to walk in. You make it look good!  Dunedin hot spot to visit: First Church Pisces Sometimes it feels like everyone hates you, and maybe they do. You’re still hot though, Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: A Helping Hand

Posted 4:10pm Saturday 2nd March 2024 by Critic

I, like many people, am a massive fan of men moaning during sex but unfortunately it has been a while since I have heard this live and in person.  A few months ago, I was scrolling through TikTok and an audio of Pedro Pascal moaning came up on my fyp (thank you algorithm). I hadn’t Read more...

Debatable: Should you go on a date before sleeping with someone?

Posted 4:04pm Saturday 2nd March 2024 by Critic

For: The Pope After Covid, people tend to have an aversion to actually socialising, but they all still want a shag. Crazy concept talking to people, I know, but our parents managed to do it (for the most part) so why can’t you all? Hell, if you actually talk to the breatha or beezy you are Read more...

Booze Reviews: Purple Goanna

Posted 3:09pm Saturday 2nd March 2024 by Chunny Bill Swilliams

Yup, love ‘em or hate ‘em, they still make this stuff. Purple Gs are getting funnelled, chugged, vortexed, snorkelled, and otherwise demolished at high speeds – much like the endangered Goannas of its namesake. For some reason, every other person just assumed that the OG – Read more...

Editorial: Apology Letter to the OUSA Exec

Posted 3:01pm Saturday 2nd March 2024 by Nina Brown

To the OUSA Exec: I am sorry for failing you. Let me explain. As the news editor last year, I sat in on (almost) every weekly OUSA Exec meeting. For the most part, it was all very boring once the thrill of the invite wore off. The process was painfully formal, with each step of the meeting Read more...

Debatable: Should Halls Be Completely Vegetarian?

Posted 4:22pm Monday 26th February 2024 by Ollie Thorns

Debatable is a column written by the Otago University Debating Society. The Debating Society welcomes new members and meets at the Business School every Tuesday at 6pm.   For: Ollie Thorns It’s a pretty clear case, freshers are better off without meat. The calorie intake that Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: Don't Download Grindr

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 25th February 2024 by Critic

Okay, some context: I’m a trans guy and at the time I was getting over my ex-boyfriend so I decided to download Grindr (don’t ever do that). I’d had quite a few people messaging me but only a select few were actually within a decent distance and I can’t drive so needed to Read more...

Editorial: Moaningful Confessions May Meet Its Unsexy Demise

Posted 5:02pm Sunday 25th February 2024 by Nina Brown

We’re (maybe) scrapping Moaningful Confessions. I realise this won’t be a popular move, but it’s time.  Behind the scenes, the column has been going downhill for a while and submissions have been few and far between. Most weeks it would reach print night and Lotto, who runs Read more...

Local Produce: CANDI

Posted 4:57pm Sunday 25th February 2024 by Jordan Irvine

Candice is a familiar voice from Radio One, but she isn’t just a DJ on the radio – as CANDI, she’s an influential music artist with an impressive track record of live shows. Only established in Re: Ori ‘22, CANDI has quickly become a prominent fixture in the electronic scene, Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 1 2024

Posted 4:47pm Sunday 25th February 2024 by Critic

Aquarius  Put the fucking pastel highlighters down - it’s too early to start colour-coding things. Organisation won’t bring you the comfort you crave, but people will. Get out there and don’t let the start of sem pass you by.  New Year’s resolution to ditch: All Read more...

Booze Review: Kirin Hyoketsu Lemon

Posted 3:54pm Sunday 25th February 2024 by Sippy Bill Swilliams

Students return to their shitboxes, locals complain on Facebook, the annual tradition of Flo and O lives on. A fortnight of alcohol and substance ridden debauchery – an alcohol company’s wet dream.  The only thing consumed more than piss in these two weeks of degeneracy is the Read more...

Fresher Simulator: O-Week

Posted 4:13pm Monday 19th February 2024 by Lotto Ramsay

1. Welcome (Start here) You’re a fresher (our condolences) arriving at Dunedin airport for the first time ever. You marvel at all the butt-fuck-nowhere around you. Off to collect your luggage! Where did you fly in from, again? A: Auckland (Go to 11) B: Somewhere else (Go to Read more...

Editorial: Get Into It, Yuh

Posted 11:32am Sunday 18th February 2024 by Nina Brown

To many reading this: welcome back, suckers. To the freshers who have gone back and collected old issues of Critic Te Ārohi once you realised it exists, is free, and is the best thing you’ll ever read: kia ora, I’m glad you made it. Here’s a wee introduction. Critic Te Read more...

Crossword Answers Issue 26

Posted 3:19pm Thursday 12th October 2023 by Critic

No spoilers! If you're looking for the answers from our final issue, they're right here.   Crossword 1: ACROSS: 2. TOAD 4. SLOB 7. MENU 8. ISH 9. ALOE 10. IBIS 12. AZUL 14. WHITE 15. FLAKE 17. IGOR 18. ALOO 19. MAN 21. LENNON 23. TINSEL 24. MOBILE 26. OBLONG 28. BLT 30. NEVE Read more...

BOOZE REVIEW: Just Booze

Posted 11:47am Monday 9th October 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

Shoutout Noisy. Shoutout ADJØ. Shoutout Albar.   New Zealand needs to change the way we drink. We drink excessive amounts of alcohol and know no weekend tradition other than binge drinking. This behaviour is extremely dangerous, and it’s projected that if we continue drinking Read more...

Editorial: Is this a Dunedin Initiation or a CIA Blacksite Torture Method?

Posted 1:18pm Sunday 8th October 2023 by Fox Meyer

Flat initiations are 20 years old at best. You know what else is 20 years old? Enhanced interrogation techniques designed by CIA crackpots in the wake of 9/11. They like to go out, abduct suspected terrorists and then torture them for weeks in secret locations on foreign soil. The tactics used (the Read more...

Editorial: Is this a Dunedin Initiation or a CIA Blacksite Torture Method?

Posted 1:13pm Sunday 8th October 2023 by Fox Meyer

Flat initiations are 20 years old at best. You know what else is 20 years old? Enhanced interrogation techniques designed by CIA crackpots in the wake of 9/11. They like to go out, abduct suspected terrorists and then torture them for weeks in secret locations on foreign soil. The tactics used (the Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 26

Posted 12:43pm Sunday 8th October 2023 by Critic

Aquarius  This is for everybody going through tough times. Believe me: been there, done that, but every day above ground is a good day. Remember that.    Indulgence to succumb to: Fighting with your conservative family members.   Pisces  Soon you’ll Read more...

Local Produce: - Fool of Stars

Posted 12:41pm Sunday 8th October 2023 by Jordan Irvine

Formed in 2020, Fool of Stars started out as a high school dream pop band. The current line up, Olive Ward (guitar/vocals), Max White (drums), and Jacob Smith (organ), came together to enter Bring the Noise in 2022. Following a warm reception from friends and strangers, they decided to record their Read more...

Local Produce - No Danger

Posted 12:40pm Sunday 8th October 2023 by Jamiema Lorimer

Get your hard hats and your high-vis vests on. For a hazard-free gig, you can count on No Danger: an eclectic six-piece band that play sets with covers ranging from Black Sabbath to the Spice Girls, alongside their own originals, one of which they’re planning to officially release soon. Critic Read more...

Moaningful: Shark Tale

Posted 12:32pm Sunday 8th October 2023 by Critic

As an avid Moaningful Confessions reader, I have been recently disappointed with the lack of jaw-dropping, juicy stories, so against my better judgement, I have sacrificed the last shred of my dignity to provide the worst, most entertaining of sex stories.   To set the scene, I had just Read more...

Takeaways: Week 26

Posted 12:17pm Sunday 8th October 2023 by Critic

Something to…     Watch   Tom Sandoval’s apology video on YouTube   A raw, emotional, genuine display of social media in the golden era of the early 2010s. If your birth year ends later than 00, consider yourself lucky that your tween fantasies Read more...

Chargrills: Feta, Spinach and Lemon Stuffed Chicken Bake

Posted 12:16pm Sunday 8th October 2023 by Charly Burnett @chargrillss

And all of a sudden, we’re at the last recipe. It's been good team, thanks for looking at the pictures and never trying a recipe! It's not too late though, try this. You'll like it.    CHICKEN 2 chicken breasts  ⅓ block feta  ¼ cup Read more...

Takeaways: Week 25

Posted 11:24am Sunday 1st October 2023 by Critic

Something to…   Watch:   Lady Gaga’s 2009 VMA performance   Lady Gaga pretty much debuted to the world with this performance of Paparazzi, which, if you can find it, is like a piece of pop music history. The only good recording I know of is still pretty Read more...

An open letter to anyone that just got initiated:

Posted 11:09am Sunday 1st October 2023 by Fox Meyer

To the first years that just got initiated, I’m glad you’re all alive. I know it wasn’t the “worst thing ever”, and I bet you’ve got a weird feeling in the pit of your stomach that what you just did really wasn’t all that glorious. I know that it ended in Read more...

Moaningful: Kia ora Critic Te Ārohi and its readers.

Posted 11:06am Sunday 1st October 2023 by Critic

Last week, you published a survey and fell back on the old trope that Computer Science students don't get laid enough.   Think about that one for a moment. Who made Tinder? Who tweaks the algorithms that set you up with your matches? Who out there knows your browser history? Have you Read more...

Local Produce: Exhuming our history

Posted 11:04am Sunday 1st October 2023 by Nina Brown

The Southern Cemeteries Archaeology Project is a colonial bioarchaeology research project. It’s run by a multidisciplinary team of researchers led by the Department of Anatomy at the University of Otago.    In the first research-driven work done into colonial New Zealand, their Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 25

Posted 11:03am Sunday 1st October 2023 by Critic

Aquarius  Time to sit back, relax, and think about the Roman Empire.    Area to self-improve on: Being rational and deploying logic.    Pisces  Say goodbye to your people pleaser era, Pisces. You have been far too kind and tolerant of other Read more...

Chargrills: Flourless Pancakes

Posted 11:01am Sunday 1st October 2023 by Charly Burnett @chargrillss

Yeah, let's have breakfast for a change. Only thing you do need is a blender or a Nutribullet. If you don't, use the eggs to make scrambled eggs and eat the banana lol.    Ingrediants: 3 eggs 1 banana  ¼ cup cocoa powder  Dash of Read more...

Editorial: The Dictator

Posted 10:50am Sunday 1st October 2023 by Fox Meyer

There is no student body.    It doesn’t exist. There is no cohesive group of students. Everyone has retreated so far into individualism, into digital and physical isolation, that an overall sense of community has been lost. This is why you are lonely. This is why you feel Read more...

Booze Review: Diesel & Cola

Posted 10:27am Sunday 1st October 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

Diesel Bourbon & Cola, unlike other foul concoctions, makes you acutely aware of your own existence. It is not an elixir that conjures rationale or peace, rather it attempts to humble the drinker by bringing you a stone's throw from death. A true battle of body, mind, and spirit. Any breatha Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 24

Posted 10:18pm Sunday 24th September 2023 by Critic

Aquarius  Aquarius, this coming period of your life will bring about questioning, self-reflection, and a desire for change. Remember to not shy away from these feelings, as they will serve for the best in the long run.    Sexy activity for the week: Engaging in Read more...

Chargrills: Soft Shell Tacos

Posted 10:16pm Sunday 24th September 2023 by Charly Burnett @chargrillss

While we’re on the Mexican buzz, here's another mouth tingler to try out while avos are in season and the weather is warming up. Stay burrito-ful. This meal pairs nicely with Bohemian Wrap-sidy.    Ingredients    Soft shell tacos 700g chicken Read more...

Ōtepoti Music Compilation | Local Produce

Posted 10:15pm Sunday 24th September 2023 by Jamiema Lorimer

As the end of the year draws close, it’s the perfect time to sum up Ōtepoti’s musical releases – and the Ōtepoti Music Compilation (ŌMC) is doing just that. Critic Te Ārohi caught up with organiser Alex Huber, about the upcoming project.   ŌMC Read more...

Moaningful: Security guards are ultimate cockblockers

Posted 10:13pm Sunday 24th September 2023 by Critic

It was a classic Thursday night. Boredom was taking over. This was back in the first-year days in halls when your love life was dictated by visiting hours. Forced to come up with some interesting solutions, I never had the balls to sneak people in. As the average beezy does when bored, I hit up a Read more...

Takeaways 24:

Posted 10:09pm Sunday 24th September 2023 by Critic

Something to…     Watch   Mike Tyson Mysteries   Ok hear me out; Scooby Doo but on Adult Swim, and starring Mike Tyson playing an animated version of himself. It is totally unhinged, brilliantly funny, and pretty dark at times. The characters also Read more...

Editorial: No Fucks Left

Posted 10:04pm Sunday 24th September 2023 by Fox Meyer

There’s only so much you can write about sex week before you run out of content. Like an editorial refractory period. After enough time at Critic you really start to scrape the bottom of the barrel for the salacious and the scintillating.   And I’m fresh out. Which is a good Read more...

Booze review: Nola’s Rich Ruby

Posted 9:59pm Sunday 24th September 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

Are you a dignified son of a gun? One that skirts around the false perimeters that society places upon individuals? Constantly on guard for the street corners in which you protect? If that sounds like you, you’re likely a fortified wine drinker. We are a put-upon caste of people. Burdened with Read more...

Local Produce: DownsideUp

Posted 12:55pm Monday 18th September 2023 by Jamiema Lorimer

DownsideUp are Josh Botting (keys), Erik Dekker (drums), Hamish Phillips (guitar), Lalu Hartmann (bass) and Nathan Calver (vocals). Critic Te Ārohi caught up with the band to talk about what's on for them ‘til the end of the year.   DownsideUp formed in 2021 and have Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: Selected Sexcapades

Posted 12:51pm Monday 18th September 2023 by Critic

Disclaimer: All names have been removed for confidentiality. However, these are all true stories and if you notice any resemblance to your own experience, you should probably reflect on that because you’re most likely not in this book for good reasons.   First everything I was Read more...

Chargrills: The Perfect Quesadilla

Posted 12:26pm Monday 18th September 2023 by Charly Burnett @chargrillss

Look sharp, idiots, this one’s for real. There’s a bit of admin involved for the initial operation but after that the leftovers process is easy as, and you only need to do one dish. Can be vegan without the cheese, and is vegetarian to begin Read more...

Editorial: The Beer Pong Survey Three Years in the Making

Posted 12:25pm Monday 18th September 2023 by Fox Meyer

We’ve finally done it.    It’s taken literal years, but we finally have a somewhat-comprehensive survey of Dunedin’s beer pong rules. You’d think this would be relatively easy, but you would be oh-so-wrong. This counts as a sport, right?   Three Read more...

Booze Review: Kahlua

Posted 12:15pm Monday 18th September 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

My caffeine addiction only became a problem once I discovered Kahlua.   There's something special about combining your vices, and the advent of Kahlua's coffee liqueur was a game changer. I'm multitasking stimulants and depressants like some kind of corporate wizard. If only Read more...