Archive

Wandering Womb: The Root of All Your Feminine Rage

Posted 8:33pm Sunday 5th May 2024 by Jodie Evans

Wandering Womb noun a) Spontaneous migration of the uterus within the female body, anywhere from the pelvis to the mind.    Characterised by symptoms including but not limited to: Headaches, tremors, fainting, chest pains, abdomen pain, vertigo, sexual desires, intellectual Read more...

Campus Vigilante

Posted 8:07pm Sunday 5th May 2024 by Hunter Jolly

Otago’s campus is rife with debauchery, crawling with scallywags wreaking havoc in the prime time of their youth. Campus Watch, the noble defenders of order on our beloved Uni grounds and student-populated streets, have their work cut out for them. No student would deny their appreciation for Read more...

Opinion: You Suck at Instant Noodles

Posted 6:49pm Sunday 5th May 2024 by Lotto Ramsay

There are but three things in this miserable world that are able to give me any semblance of something akin to joy: soup, frugality, and the quiet bliss of an instruction manual. Basically, the way everyone makes their instant noodles in this goddamn city is ensuring I will be first in line at Read more...

Yours

Posted 10:30pm Friday 26th April 2024 by Lily Stoddart

To whom it may concern, I think I am the perfect candidate for this part-time job because I am reliable, I will always show up on time, and if my car breaks down I will walk. And if my legs break off I will elbow crawl concrete grazes, beer glass abrasions, and all. And if the ground becomes Read more...

Littlest Hall Pets: The Pets of Campus

Posted 9:09pm Friday 26th April 2024 by Monty O’Rielly

Disclaimer: I know these are not all of the animals around! These are the ones we managed to get permission to include, and had time to visit. If there are more I missed, feel free to tell me where to find them, monty@critic.co.nz. Missing your dog back home? Mid-terms getting you down? Need Read more...

As Good as Mould

Posted 7:40pm Sunday 21st April 2024 by Jodie Evans

From flocks of seagulls to herds of freshers, beautiful North Dunedin boasts a variety of unique flora and fauna – the most abundant and furtive of which can be found in your very own flat. You guessed it: mould. Your white-toothed suit-wearing landlord only wants you to live amidst the most Read more...

Scenic Sadness: A Critic Te Ārohi Quest

Posted 4:52pm Sunday 21st April 2024 by Gryffin Powell

As temperatures plummet, the primal North D urge to “get the fuck away from it all” stirs. Nothing awakens the adventurous spirit quite like a mouldy flat or a situationship ending. Two dudes armed with a Mazda (that they weren’t insured to drive) embarked on an expedition to find Read more...

Botan Bongs

Posted 4:27pm Sunday 21st April 2024 by Hugh Askerud

To many, the Botanical Gardens are a short-cut to New World Gardens or a nice place to picnic. To members of the species Stoneri botanis (The Botan Stoner), however, the Gardens are their natural habitat. The Botan Stoner is an abundant species native to the ecosystem of Ōtepoti. This species Read more...

Hide Ya Bong: 10 Ways to Conceal a Bong in Plain Sight

Posted 1:16pm Sunday 14th April 2024 by Sam Smith-Soppet

Imagine this: halfway through punching a cone after an incredibly difficult week of BCom-broing and midweek pissups, you hear the front door creak. All your flatmates are home, and no one just fucking drops in. Like a deer in Bic-light, you scramble in fear to find a hiding spot for your still-warm Read more...

Drug Trip Simulator

Posted 1:06pm Sunday 14th April 2024 by Nicky Patterson

1. Look outside. It’s a beautiful day; the sun's shining, the birds are chirping, and you've got the itch for something special to make today one to remember. Who are you calling? A: The Regular (go to 3) B: The shady guy who your mate’s flatmate’s sister knows (go to Read more...