Student Led Lemonade Stand Forcibly Removed From Meridian Mall

Posted 8:22pm Sunday 4th August 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Duhamel Bosworth, CEO of Totally Legit Lemonade, was removed from mall grounds last weekend. When security asked Bosworth to present paperwork proving that his stall was permitted in the mall, he presented them with a handwritten note that was "super legit, absolutely real" and not written Read more...

Entire Witchcraft 102 Class Disintegrates After Surprise Rain On Fieldtrip

Posted 8:20pm Sunday 4th August 2019 by The Critical Tribune

All students of Witchcraft 102: Hexes In Contemporary Society were reduced to ash after a shock shower last Thursday. “It’s an absolute tragedy. We had such a promising class of crones this year,” said the lecturer for the class, Ethel Turtleback. Miss Turtleback refused to Read more...

Innovative Marine Biology Major Installs Fish Nets in Leith River, Catches Rare Selection of Billy Mav Cans

Posted 8:20pm Sunday 4th August 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Finn Jameson has been looking for a way to make his name known in the competitive world of marine biology, and he might just have caught his big break. Jameson’s thesis was about whether or not the sheer volume of breatha garbage in the Leith was forcing the marine life in the area to grow Read more...

Fucking Sick: Those Guys Just Kicked Over a Rubbish Bin

Posted 8:21pm Sunday 4th August 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Bro, fuck yeah. That shit is fucking hilarious. See the way it fell over? And all that garbage fell out? Fuck yeah. Broooo that pizza box just blew onto the road. Know what would be real funny? If someone had to pick all that shit up. Haha, fucking idiots. I bet the garbage dudes are gunna be Read more...

Local Cowboy Severely Misunderstood 'Barnes Dance' Crossing

Posted 6:00pm Thursday 25th July 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Otago based yeehaw cattleman Arthur Mustang arrived at one of the centre city Barnes Dance crossings last week expecting a barn dance. Mustang waited for an hour before double-checking the details of the barn dance he was expecting. Mustang said "Well I'll be! I was standing at that Read more...

First Year Philosophy Major Hospitalised After Thinking Too Hard

Posted 6:01pm Thursday 25th July 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Last Friday, first-year Philosophy student Chase Hughes had to be rushed to the emergency room after he contemplated so hard that his brain exploded. Hughes’s flatmates gathered the loose pieces of cranium in an old Domino’s box and carried him to the hospital. After 12 hours of Read more...

Scarfie With Flaming Couch Tattoo Never Burned a Couch In His Life

Posted 6:01pm Thursday 25th July 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Third-year Biology student Thomas King has been showing off his latest tattoo, which depicts an iconic Otago University couch burning. However, new evidence has shown that King has never having actually burned a couch. Some have claimed that King’s tattoo is cultural appropriation, and that Read more...

Mould Growing on Bathroom Ceiling Actually New Form of Cheese

Posted 6:02pm Thursday 25th July 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Fourth-year Human Nutrition student Emma Greenwood recently discovered that what she previously thought was deadly black mould is actually a delicious new form of cheese. She said, “My flatmate spilled a bottle of milk upstairs last semester, and we all kinda couldn’t be bothered to Read more...

Dunedin Crumbles to Nothingness as Steepest Street Cruelly Snatched Away

Posted 5:18pm Friday 19th July 2019 by The Critical Tribune

This morning the rats fled the city. They swept past old men sobbing in gutters, and young children staring vacantly into the distance. They swept down the disappointing gradient of the-street-formerly-known-as-the-steepest-street-in-the-world and past the Mayor as he pleaded with the Guinness Read more...

Clan of Horny Goblins Raid Critic Stands Solely for Moaningful Confessions

Posted 6:15pm Thursday 11th July 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Last Monday a horde of at least 20 sex-deprived beings descended upon campus to steal as many copies of Critic as possible. It is currently unknown whether the creatures were students coming out of Winter hibernation, or actual goblins. The Critical Tribune spoke to one of the goblins briefly Read more...

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