Moaningful Confessions | Serving our country

Posted 12:38am Saturday 2nd October 2021 by Critic

With daylight savings creeping up, it’s time for me to reminisce on what I was doing this time last year. My lovely friend (we’ll call her Sophie) and I had decided to head to Christchurch, with hopes of pulling a pair of guys. After trying to shotgun a few too many drinks beforehand, Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | The Girl Next Door

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 26th September 2021 by Critic

Me and Jade had been neighbours for as long as I can remember. Growing up in the hinterlands of the south, we had gone to school in Gore together. Even as we got into the saddle of puberty, I had never really seen her as a potential romantic filly — I was in a stable relationship, and besides, Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | No Ragrets

Posted 6:57pm Monday 20th September 2021 by Critic

When the Critic asked us to spill our most scandalous sexcapades I didn’t know where to start. I still don’t. So many stories. Do I start with the three-way in a sauna which ended with more than sweat dripping down my body? Or the twelve-man orgy in which I could only make out the Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | That Time I Straight Up Had Sex In A Zoo

Posted 4:22pm Sunday 12th September 2021 by Critic

Okay straight up I had sex in a zoo, multiple times. I’m here to confess my sins of my wrongdoings to all of the animals that bore witness to these sexy times. Anyway, my boyfriend at the time came to visit me in my home city and we went to the zoo, as you do when you're showing someone Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Part 2: A Big Night

Posted 3:59pm Sunday 5th September 2021 by Critic

This experience came right on the back of a great one nighter, a wonderful night with such a hulk of man. Totally destroyed my ass and I loved it. We arranged to meet at his (we'll call him Dave), and planned out a little study meeting with some fun and maybe even a friend after. The sheer Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Juicy Stuff in a Juicy Van

Posted 4:30pm Sunday 22nd August 2021 by Critic

This story begins with a weekend trip to Queenstown with the girls. Drinking? Yes. Lines in town which are shorter than two hours? Yes. Hitting the slopes while we’re at it? Big yes. Half a bottle of fireball and a full face of makeup later, we find our way to town. By this point, Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Is the gag reflex mental? No, here’s the proof

Posted 2:39pm Monday 16th August 2021 by Critic

I had moved into a flat after living with my ex whose name for the story shall be Luke. My flattie and I were downing gin and juice while playing board games having a grand ol’ time. Once she carked it in bed, I thought “this is a perfect opportunity to sneak around to my ex’s Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Sandy Cheeks

Posted 2:39am Monday 9th August 2021 by Critic

Once upon a summer's day, a beautiful princess was finishing her last exam. Her (not really) Prince Charming was waiting outside the exam room with a cup of tea, a packed lunch and his noble steed, a Toyota people-mover with amazing fuel economy. It had been a couple of lonely days with the exam Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Requires A-cyst-ance

Posted 6:46pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by Critic

Journey back with me to fresher year. I’d heard about the joy of living next to a Uni campus and shoving Tinder on less than 2km, but I was yet to experience it first-hand until that fateful night. It was exam season so I was ready for some classic D-stressing. After a few slightly above Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Derry Dick

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 25th July 2021 by Critic

It was a typical evening on Grindr. Not much was happening. I was being sent a few unsolicited dick pics y'know, just the standard scrolling and sending boring messages. My ex had broken up with me recently, so at this stage of my life I was near rock bottom.  I started talking to a Read more...