Get Your Rocks Off

Posted 3:17pm Sunday 2nd April 2023 by Critic

Picture this: a chilly Friday night, my flatmates were away, and I was bored out of my mind. My hormones were in full swing, and I had no other choice but to resort to the one app that had never failed me: Tinder. After swiping right on a guy who looked like the lost Hemsworth brother (or so I Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: Gatekeep, Gaslight, Gossip Girl

Posted 4:12pm Sunday 26th March 2023 by Critic

Every time I close my eyes, I’m reminded of the most disappointing night of my life. Three years ago, I was a bottle of wine and a butter chicken deep and decided that it would be the night I finally got some. I was on a mission, so I downloaded Tinder and managed to snag one with a missing Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: Cherry cherry boom boom

Posted 3:01pm Sunday 19th March 2023 by Critic

I remember it as if it was yesterday.   New Year’s Eve was in the air, and my hunger for an intimate partner for the night was in full swing. I was talking to this girl at the time, and we thought New Year’s would be the primo opportunity to finally do it.   As she Read more...

Moaningful_Confessions.txt | Robot rendezvous

Posted 5:29pm Friday 19th August 2022 by Critic

I had the most amazing rendezvous last night. I was out at the bar with a few friends when I spotted him across the room. He was tall, dark, and handsome, and I couldn't help but stare. I could tell he was interested too, because he kept making eye contact with me. After a couple of drinks, I Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Silent but Deadly

Posted 6:23pm Sunday 22nd May 2022 by Critic

Picture this: it’s a Friday night (or rather Saturday morning), I’ve had a few cheeky beverages and I’m messaging a hot guy on Snapchat. I swiped right on him on a dating app and we hit it off pretty quickly. Now onto the story. I was surrounded by some friends in a very public Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Shit happens

Posted 3:10pm Sunday 8th May 2022 by Critic

It all started on a normal Friday night in North Dunedin. Plenty of drinks deep, and the night started to quiet down. My flat mate and I are the last ones standing, we’re chilling in the lounge anticipating our next move. One of her old friends visiting Dunedin arrives with another one of his Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Started from the bottom, now we still there

Posted 1:17pm Sunday 10th April 2022 by Critic

It was a beautiful Saturday evening in an unspecified location outside of Dunedin. I have been sinking a few too many drinks when all of a sudden I have to get up to yak. Here’s the thing about me… every time I yak I piss myself. So, here I am, yak successful but now I have stained my Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | A Cocktower Confession

Posted 3:19pm Sunday 20th March 2022 by Critic

Once upon a time, in a place not too far away, your girl did something a lil’ bit nasty on Uni grounds. I had been going to some university events which I shall not name, in the sake of protecting my identity and, well, my ego. While I was there, I met a pretty cute boy whom I shall call Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | How I Caught an S-T-Daddy

Posted 1:42pm Sunday 13th March 2022 by Critic

After spending 4 months in one of New Zealand’s shittest small towns, sleeping in a single bed, and spending all my time with my parents and the one friend I still talk to from high school, I was horny and ready to get back out into Dunedin.  It was my first night back and I was alone Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | A Sinking Feeling

Posted 3:40pm Sunday 10th October 2021 by Critic

Out Of Reach The knock at the door got me jumping off the bed in seconds. I ran down the stairs, excited to see her. My eyes lit up as I saw her. My new vibrator was just as I had imagined, a petite wee thing, exactly like her profile. I escorted her upstairs to my room. Things escalated quickly Read more...