Moaningful Confessions | Juicy Stuff in a Juicy Van

Posted 4:30pm Sunday 22nd August 2021 by Critic

This story begins with a weekend trip to Queenstown with the girls. Drinking? Yes. Lines in town which are shorter than two hours? Yes. Hitting the slopes while we’re at it? Big yes. Half a bottle of fireball and a full face of makeup later, we find our way to town. By this point, Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Is the gag reflex mental? No, here’s the proof

Posted 2:39pm Monday 16th August 2021 by Critic

I had moved into a flat after living with my ex whose name for the story shall be Luke. My flattie and I were downing gin and juice while playing board games having a grand ol’ time. Once she carked it in bed, I thought “this is a perfect opportunity to sneak around to my ex’s Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Sandy Cheeks

Posted 2:39am Monday 9th August 2021 by Critic

Once upon a summer's day, a beautiful princess was finishing her last exam. Her (not really) Prince Charming was waiting outside the exam room with a cup of tea, a packed lunch and his noble steed, a Toyota people-mover with amazing fuel economy. It had been a couple of lonely days with the exam Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Requires A-cyst-ance

Posted 6:46pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by Critic

Journey back with me to fresher year. I’d heard about the joy of living next to a Uni campus and shoving Tinder on less than 2km, but I was yet to experience it first-hand until that fateful night. It was exam season so I was ready for some classic D-stressing. After a few slightly above Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Derry Dick

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 25th July 2021 by Critic

It was a typical evening on Grindr. Not much was happening. I was being sent a few unsolicited dick pics y'know, just the standard scrolling and sending boring messages. My ex had broken up with me recently, so at this stage of my life I was near rock bottom.  I started talking to a Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | A Spicy Night

Posted 4:45pm Sunday 18th July 2021 by Critic

Every Sunday night, my boyfriend and I have a customary hot wings night. We believe in the ring of fire creating wings, nothing mild. These wings would emit enough heat to toast several bags of marshmallows. After devouring what some would call the absolute mother of all wings, leaving our lips Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Gym-buddies With Benefits

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 16th May 2021 by Critic

I had never been much of a gym girl. I did the occasional squats, cardio, dumbbells and all that jazz, but I’d never fully committed. So, one day, I thought I’d finally start working towards my lifelong goal of becoming as buff as Korra. This entailed getting a gym membership that I Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | The Wrong Kind of Bang

Posted 8:29pm Sunday 2nd May 2021 by Critic

This boy was very cute. French, got the curls, six foot tall, eight inches, the whole package. We were a few dates in by this point, feeling each other out but not quite feeling each other up yet. This bitch was getting horny. One Friday night we decided to get dressed up and go to town. We chatted, Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | The Effortless Threesome

Posted 1:53am Monday 19th April 2021 by Critic

Flashback to 2017. It’s my first year at Otago University (I transferred from Canterbury because my life there was as flat as the city’s landscape).  It’s a Thursday night and I’m bored so I send an “upto” to someone I used to go to high school with. Lo Read more...

Piss Poor Moaningful Confession

Posted 1:20am Sunday 11th April 2021 by Critic

“Your essay is shit.”  My heart dropped to my stomach, I knew he was saying it in a playful tone, but I had spent a dismal night in St Daves trying to fix my assignment. This guy had passed this paper: he could help me make it better. He must have known his comment hurt because Read more...

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