Parking Wardens Suspected as Cause for Pedestrianisation

Posted 1:22pm Sunday 10th April 2022 by The Critical Tribune

Sources close to the Mayor claim that the attempt to make George Street pedestrianised occurred after a run-in with DCC parking wardens. Mayor Hawkins’s close confidants reported that the recent attempts to remove cars from George Street is an attempt to put parking wardens out of a job. Read more...

Discussion-Dominating Student Dismisses Claims of Disruption

Posted 5:36pm Sunday 27th March 2022 by The Critical Tribune

Critic Te Arohi had a chat with Danny, a third year student who, according to the Geography department, takes up 60% of discussion time in tutorials.  “I mean, I don’t really do the readings but I just kinda catch the vibe,” he told Critic through hoons that he blew in our Read more...

Shopping trolley stocks plummet as students hit north D

Posted 3:08pm Sunday 27th February 2022 by The Critical Tribune

Supermarkets across the city are reporting shortages of shopping trolleys, as students move into town and claim the sterling vessels as their own. “It’s madness”, said one New World employee. “Yesterday, I saw a woman back her RAV-4 all the way up to the building’s door Read more...

Emergency Summit Fails To Avert Fresher-Second Year War

Posted 3:09pm Sunday 27th February 2022 by The Critical Tribune

A fragile peace between first- and second-years has collapsed amidst accusations of aggression on both sides. Relations between the two groups frayed after mass movements of freshers were detected around the traditionally second-year strongholds of Castle Street and Forth Street. Concerns about Read more...

Fresher Finally Meets Someone From Mosgiel

Posted 4:43pm Sunday 18th July 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Mosgiel is a place that many people have only heard about, but UniCol fresher Aimee Fredericks was lucky enough to meet someone hailing from just west of Dunedin at a party in Re-O. “I’d only ever heard about the Mosgiel sign on the news!” she said. “The first time I drove Read more...

Flatmate Hasn’t Cleaned Mooncup in Two Years

Posted 1:00am Monday 24th May 2021 by The Critical Tribune

“Bro she just keeps leaving it on the pile of dishes like she expects us to wash it,” said one disgruntled breatha. “Like, what does she think we are, a cleaning service?”  The bleeder’s menstrual cup is a purple, latex design that she describes as Read more...

Catholics Gave Up Paying for Uber Eats for Lent

Posted 12:55am Sunday 11th April 2021 by The Critical Tribune

This year for Lent, Catholics gave up paying for UberEats after a mandate straight from the Pope.  “Stop giving your money to a greedy multi-national corporation for Lent,” said the Pope. “The Catholic church does not condone giving your money to an unethical company when Read more...

Student Did Not Only Take TOUR214 for the Free Wine

Posted 2:03pm Sunday 14th March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Local student Danny DeVino is the first student in the history of the paper ‘Introduction To Wine Business,’ which includes wine tours and a wine-tasting exam, that isn’t taking the paper solely for the free wine.  When asked for comment, lecturer Chardonnay McGoon was Read more...

Big Harbour Molar Statue Extracted for Cavities

Posted 2:04pm Sunday 14th March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Ōtepoti’s iconic sculpture, the harbour molars, have been extracted due to bacterial decay. The cavities were first observed on the annual DENT269 field trip, during which Otago dentistry students pilgrimage to the harbour inlet and marvel at the enamel delights. This year their fun was Read more...

Local Man Believes Kingfisher is Exotic Beer

Posted 1:35pm Sunday 7th March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Local man and beer connoisseur Arthur Davies has long prided himself on his exquisite taste in beers. Shunning established New Zealand favourites like Tui, Steinlager, and Southern Gold as mere “swill” and “only good for my father to get drunk to before beating me with a Read more...