‘The Rock’ Rocks Campus

‘The Rock’ Rocks Campus

Life-sized Dwayne Johnson provides moral support to Central studiers

Why the hell is there a life-sized cardboard cutout of ‘The Rock’ in Central Library? Donning our Sherlock Holmes hats (apparently they’re called deerstalkers), Critic Te Ārohi  investigated.

The cardboard cutout of everyone’s favourite ‘cousin’ and A-list celebrity, Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson mysteriously appeared on the stairs between the ground and first floor of Central Library last week. Students have been left equal parts bewildered and mesmerised by The Rock’s shiny dome.

Critic Te Ārohi conducted a classic Link questionnaire, interrupting students poised to dive headfirst into their sandwiches about the mysterious appearance. Journalism doesn’t pause for lunch. Disappointingly, they had no idea why he was there. One theory thrown out (presumably in a bid to shoo us off) was that he’s hiding from the professional wrestlers on the stairs. 

There was some confusion at another table when one student Seb thought it was a cardboard cut out of a literal rock. Upon realising his mistake, Seb was quick on his feet to join the inquisition. Stroking his chin, he proposed another theory: it must’ve been some pissed-off post-grad whose burnout led them to do anything to garner a smile. No closer to answers, Critic was left scratching our heads. Where did The Rock come from?
 
After bouncing around interesting yet ultimately baseless theories from students, Critic knocked on the door of the big dog to put this to bed: the University. They graciously solved our dilemma. The cutout’s appearance was part of a student’s PSYC328 research project which was trying to explore methods that might encourage students to use the stairs rather than the lift. What a method, put the guy everyone knows from WWE on the stairs.

This follows other Psychology assignments that took place in Central which guilt tripped students to walking up the stairs to prevent the chance of early death by 33%, or posters telling students not to wear headphones at Unipol (which attracted a haterade fuelled letter to the editor last week). 

It did make Critic walk up the stairs, though.

This article first appeared in Issue 24, 2024.
Posted 5:03pm Saturday 28th September 2024 by Adam Stitely.