Critic Te Arohi http://www.critic.co.nz en-nz Critic Recent articles from www.critic.co.nz ChatGOTH: Fast and Curious http://www.critic.co.nz/columns/article/11017/chatgoth-fast-and-curious <p>Hey ChatGOTH,</p> Kate Chapman and Danya Levy http://www.critic.co.nz/columns/article/11017/chatgoth-fast-and-curious Sat 23 Mar 2024 14:50:12 +1300 Between the Sheets: The Realities of Lesbian Sex http://www.critic.co.nz/culture/article/11018/between-the-sheets-the-realities-of-lesbian-sex <p><em><strong>Disclaimer: </strong>This article is based on the personal experience of one individual. In this article, lesbian sex is referred to in the context of being between two AFAB (assigned female at birth) partners. Trans lesbians, we love you too.</em></p> Kate Chapman and Danya Levy http://www.critic.co.nz/culture/article/11018/between-the-sheets-the-realities-of-lesbian-sex Sat 23 Mar 2024 14:54:02 +1300 Your First Time… According to Wattpad http://www.critic.co.nz/culture/article/11019/your-first-time-according-to-wattpad <p>When your total bitch of a mother throws your things in a suitcase and tells you to meet your new owners (One Direction, a band you&rsquo;ve literally never even heard of), the prospect of your emerging sexuality can be daunting, especially when you&rsquo;re a fictional self-insert who doesn&rsquo;t know about Oranga Tamariki. We&rsquo;ve all been there, right? Luckily, Critic Te &#256;rohi has scoured a reliable source full of sex expertise for tips: Wattpad. A platform that was arguably more successful at getting teens to write than any English teacher, with the advantage that no one could stop you from writing sex scenes in all their inaccurate, smutty, filthy-demure glory. Here are all the ingredients needed for your perfect first time (y/n), according to Wattpad.</p> Kate Chapman and Danya Levy http://www.critic.co.nz/culture/article/11019/your-first-time-according-to-wattpad Sat 23 Mar 2024 15:00:48 +1300 Horoscopes: Week 5 http://www.critic.co.nz/columns/article/11020/horoscopes-week-5 <p><strong>Aquarius</strong><br /> Kate Chapman and Danya Levy http://www.critic.co.nz/columns/article/11020/horoscopes-week-5 Sat 23 Mar 2024 15:04:01 +1300 Nonbinary Dirty Talk: 25 Freaky Genderless Naughty Nicknames http://www.critic.co.nz/culture/article/11021/nonbinary-dirty-talk-25-freaky-genderless-naughty- <p>When you&rsquo;re genderqueer and don&rsquo;t use gendered terms, it can be hard to include good dirty talk in your sex life. Sex is fun, intimate, and it should be sexy, right? Dirty talk can quickly become awkward Mad Libs from hell when trying to remove gender from your lexicon (&ldquo;baby girl&rdquo; to &ldquo;baby&hellip; person?&rdquo;), but there&rsquo;s no reason to remove the sexiness too. &ldquo;Love&rdquo; and &ldquo;darling&rdquo; are sweet and ungendered, but it&rsquo;s not hot. We want to feel hot. The all too popular &ldquo;daddy&rdquo; and &ldquo;mommy&rdquo; definitely can&rsquo;t be used (should they be though? That&rsquo;s a different conversation). So what options are there for our they/thems? Critic Te &#256;rohi has you sorted with 25 hot unisex pet names.&nbsp;</p> Kate Chapman and Danya Levy http://www.critic.co.nz/culture/article/11021/nonbinary-dirty-talk-25-freaky-genderless-naughty- Sat 23 Mar 2024 15:14:30 +1300 Otago Regional Councillor Calls Student “Entitled” Over Bus Fares http://www.critic.co.nz/news/article/11022/otago-regional-councillor-calls-student-entitled-o <p>Last week, the Otago Regional Council (ORC) voted 5-7 not to extend the half price bus fares. In what would normally be a one-liner headline in the TL;DR, Critic sniffed a story when we were forwarded an email chain between law student Grace and Councillor Michael Laws, who attacked her character after she expressed support for the half price fares to continue. Local council tea, hot and steaming.</p> Kate Chapman and Danya Levy http://www.critic.co.nz/news/article/11022/otago-regional-councillor-calls-student-entitled-o Sat 23 Mar 2024 15:17:37 +1300 ‘Let’s talk about Drugs’ Turns To ‘Let’s Talk Shit’ http://www.critic.co.nz/news/article/11023/lets-talk-about-drugs-turns-to-lets-talk-shit <p>Sparks flew at an otherwise underwhelming &lsquo;Let&rsquo;s talk about Drugs&rsquo; event where panellists and the handful of attendees squabbled over who can prevent drug harm the best. At its peak, 15 people were at the event, including its four panellists: Max Phillips (president of Students for Sensible Drug Policy), Green Party Co-Leader Chl&ouml;e Swarbrick, Dr Brin Ryder (Drug Checking Lead for Te Waipounamu), and Sergeant Steve &ldquo;Jonesy&rdquo; Jones (Alcohol Harm Prevention Dunedin).&nbsp;</p> Kate Chapman and Danya Levy http://www.critic.co.nz/news/article/11023/lets-talk-about-drugs-turns-to-lets-talk-shit Sat 23 Mar 2024 15:23:21 +1300 A Fond Farewell to L.Hotel http://www.critic.co.nz/news/article/11024/a-fond-farewell-to-lhotel <p>On Thursday, March 14th, we all received a gutting post notification (we have ours on at least) from L. Hotel announcing a &lsquo;CYA L8TER NZ Tour&rsquo;. The tour marks the last chance for fans and haters (kidding, everyone loves them) to say goodbye to the &ldquo;tax-evading, gluten-free idiots.&rdquo;&nbsp;</p> Kate Chapman and Danya Levy http://www.critic.co.nz/news/article/11024/a-fond-farewell-to-lhotel Sat 23 Mar 2024 15:25:59 +1300 OUSA First Quarter Reports http://www.critic.co.nz/news/article/11025/ousa-first-quarter-reports <p>Every quarter, each OUSA exec member submits a report to prove they&rsquo;ve actually been doing the job they were elected to do. The exec then meets to vote on whether each member should be paid their honorarium (like a salary for elected positions, paid only on the basis that members are actually doing their jobs). The TL;DR is it was all &ldquo;aye&rdquo; (me hearty) this time.</p> Kate Chapman and Danya Levy http://www.critic.co.nz/news/article/11025/ousa-first-quarter-reports Sat 23 Mar 2024 15:30:00 +1300 Editorial: Hook-Up Culture is the New Cool Girl http://www.critic.co.nz/columns/article/11026/editorial-hook-up-culture-is-the-new-cool-girl <p>Dunedin hook-up culture has gaslighted us all into prioritising male pleasure over female pleasure, and just accepting this as the norm. Women&rsquo;s sexual enjoyment is swept aside, and being okay with this is added to the criteria of Cool Girl. You&rsquo;re a Cool Girl if you have mediocre one night stands where the guy gets off (if he doesn&rsquo;t have whiskey dick) and leaves your vagina drier than the breatha&rsquo;s chat who&rsquo;s snoring beside you.</p> Kate Chapman and Danya Levy http://www.critic.co.nz/columns/article/11026/editorial-hook-up-culture-is-the-new-cool-girl Sat 23 Mar 2024 15:38:30 +1300 Takeaways: Week 5 http://www.critic.co.nz/columns/article/11027/takeaways-week-5 <p><strong>Something to watch</strong></p> Kate Chapman and Danya Levy http://www.critic.co.nz/columns/article/11027/takeaways-week-5 Sat 23 Mar 2024 15:41:23 +1300 Animated Affairs http://www.critic.co.nz/culture/article/11028/animated-affairs <p dir="ltr"><span id="docs-internal-guid-20e2ed57-7fff-7356-b511-3dca6dba6aec">Let&rsquo;s talk about the legendary sexual awakening. There are the classics you always hear of: Katy Perry&rsquo;s &lsquo;I Kissed a Girl&rsquo; music video or Joe Jonas emerging, glistening, from the water in Camp Rock. A good number of people recall the moment Miss Honey from Matilda pulls down her glasses as the birth of their libido. Freud would have a field day.</span></p> Kate Chapman and Danya Levy http://www.critic.co.nz/culture/article/11028/animated-affairs Sat 23 Mar 2024 15:51:04 +1300 Do it Your Fucking Self: How to Breatha-fy Your Room http://www.critic.co.nz/columns/article/11029/do-it-your-fucking-self-how-to-breatha-fy-your-roo <p>As a former &ldquo;dumb fresher fuck&rdquo;, you&rsquo;ve just moved into the big wide world. By that, we mean out of a hall, into a beat-as-fuck six-bedroom flat somewhere on Leith, Castle, Dundas or one of the other streets that almost guarantees you are never seeing your bond again. Your room looks awfully empty, or just generally too nice to be in the party area of campus, so what do you do? Critic has curated the top 10 classiest and most on-brand things to do to spice up the space!</p> Kate Chapman and Danya Levy http://www.critic.co.nz/columns/article/11029/do-it-your-fucking-self-how-to-breatha-fy-your-roo Sat 23 Mar 2024 15:56:30 +1300 Pint Night Pox Strikes! http://www.critic.co.nz/news/article/11030/pint-night-pox-strikes <p>Chickenpox&rsquo;s &lsquo;patient zero&rsquo; has come forth after students received an email on Thursday March 14 alerting them to an outbreak of chickenpox (or varicella-zoster) within the student community. The email warned that the virus is &ldquo;highly infectious&rdquo; and the &ldquo;risk of spread is high,&rdquo; telling students with symptoms to seek medical support and isolate themselves immediately. Critic Te &#256;rohi spoke with the&nbsp; student who sheepishly believes they may be at the root of the problem.&nbsp;</p> Kate Chapman and Danya Levy http://www.critic.co.nz/news/article/11030/pint-night-pox-strikes Sat 23 Mar 2024 15:58:05 +1300 Debatable: Should you watch porn? http://www.critic.co.nz/columns/article/11031/debatable-should-you-watch-porn <p><em><strong>TW: </strong>SA, mentions of abuse</em></p> Kate Chapman and Danya Levy http://www.critic.co.nz/columns/article/11031/debatable-should-you-watch-porn Sat 23 Mar 2024 16:04:35 +1300 Local Produce: Give Up http://www.critic.co.nz/columns/article/11032/local-produce-give-up <p>Give Up is the newest &#332;tepoti shit-head post-punk band. They came to prominence last year after making the Bring the Noise finals, which was only their second gig. Now, after opening for Beet-wix and snagging a pint night slot, they&rsquo;re rolling with the motion of the ocean and are keen to get their name out more. Critic Te &#256;rohi caught up with the band at a house party to discuss origins, influences, and future projects.&nbsp;</p> Kate Chapman and Danya Levy http://www.critic.co.nz/columns/article/11032/local-produce-give-up Sat 23 Mar 2024 16:06:35 +1300 Best of Moaningful Confessions http://www.critic.co.nz/features/article/11033/best-of-moaningful-confessions <p>It&rsquo;s only appropriate that the sex issue pays homage to everyone&rsquo;s favourite sexscapade column: Moaningful Confessions. The column was born in 2020 out of the ashes of the seedy and often marginal Blind Date column. We&rsquo;ve ranked the sauciest, most salacious, tit-lickin&rsquo;, finger-fucking good submissions from Otago&rsquo;s dirtiest over the years (fine, we just searched the archives and included the ones that sounded the raunchiest at first glance. They&rsquo;re pretty good, though). This feature is for your pure enjoyment, humble sex-deprived student &mdash; and inspiration. If you read this and smile smugly to yourself like a punter viewing abstract art thinking, &ldquo;I could top that&rdquo;, send it to moaningful@critic.co.nz (please, we beg).&nbsp;</p> Kate Chapman and Danya Levy http://www.critic.co.nz/features/article/11033/best-of-moaningful-confessions Sat 23 Mar 2024 16:15:19 +1300 “Nut Free” Carrington College Serves Nuts http://www.critic.co.nz/news/article/11034/nut-free-carrington-college-serves-nuts- <p>Carrington College found themselves in a tricky situation last week, after a resident allergic to peanuts unknowingly consumed a biscuit containing nuts. The student ate said sweet treat with faith in the fact that Carrington kitchen had become nut free. Yikes.&nbsp;</p> Kate Chapman and Danya Levy http://www.critic.co.nz/news/article/11034/nut-free-carrington-college-serves-nuts- Sat 23 Mar 2024 16:19:00 +1300 Citizens Advice Bureau Launch Youth-Focused Website http://www.critic.co.nz/news/article/11035/citizens-advice-bureau-launch-youth-focused-websit <p>Nobody ever seems to be truly prepared for the shit show that is moving out of home, which is why the Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB) have created a tool to help. Launched with the knowledge that there&rsquo;s no 100-level paper on bullshitting through life, the Bureau announced the &lsquo;Youth Tool Kete&rsquo; on March 13th to provide a one-stop-shop for solutions to all of the most common issues under-25s have.&nbsp;</p> Kate Chapman and Danya Levy http://www.critic.co.nz/news/article/11035/citizens-advice-bureau-launch-youth-focused-websit Sat 23 Mar 2024 16:25:27 +1300 Uni Football Rising Out of the Pits http://www.critic.co.nz/news/article/11036/uni-football-rising-out-of-the-pits <p>University football has pulled itself out of a hole after slashing through both men&rsquo;s and women&rsquo;s University of Canterbury teams in a pre-season derby. Now the club is talking a big game, with men&rsquo;s captain Ben Campbell telling Critic Te &#256;rohi, &ldquo;Anything short of the top of the table is considered a failure.&rdquo; Big words from a man who finished 7th out of 10 teams last season.&nbsp;</p> Kate Chapman and Danya Levy http://www.critic.co.nz/news/article/11036/uni-football-rising-out-of-the-pits Sat 23 Mar 2024 16:28:01 +1300 Mi Goreng Graduate: Chocolate Mousse http://www.critic.co.nz/columns/article/11037/mi-goreng-graduate-chocolate-mousse <p>Serves: 6<br /> Kate Chapman and Danya Levy http://www.critic.co.nz/columns/article/11037/mi-goreng-graduate-chocolate-mousse Sat 23 Mar 2024 16:33:24 +1300 Booze Review: Sour Apple Cruisers http://www.critic.co.nz/columns/article/11038/booze-review-sour-apple-cruisers <p>Critic was a bit late this St Patty&rsquo;s to jump on the bandwagon and acquire the breatha&rsquo;s Irish drink of choice: Lime Cruisers. We even mished to the unfamiliar territory of South Dunedin, but to no avail. We were left with the consolation prize, the ugly step-sister of this green and sugar-filled RTD: Sour Apple Cruisers.</p> Kate Chapman and Danya Levy http://www.critic.co.nz/columns/article/11038/booze-review-sour-apple-cruisers Sat 23 Mar 2024 16:35:40 +1300 Trans Sex For Dummies http://www.critic.co.nz/culture/article/11039/trans-sex-for-dummies <p><em><strong>Disclaimer: </strong>This article includes discussion and description of transgender bodies, with anatomical and occasionally gendered language. It mainly focuses on personal experiences of pre-op trans people on HRT, but a lot of this can be applied to trans people at other stages of their transition.&nbsp;</em></p> Kate Chapman and Danya Levy http://www.critic.co.nz/culture/article/11039/trans-sex-for-dummies Sat 23 Mar 2024 16:47:21 +1300