Judy Bailey Killed in Solomon Islands
Critic has heard from their reporter on the ground in Honiara that Judy Bailey, the “mother of the nation”, has been killed while filming her latest series “Judy Bailey’s Solomon Islands”, the follow up to the successful “Judy Bailey’s Australia”.
It is understood that Bailey was visiting a cannibalistic highland tribe when she was attacked, possibly after taking a happy snap of a phallic wooden fertility idol on her iPhone.
News of Bailey’s death has been slow to reach New Zealand, probably due to the poor lines of communication between Honiara and the remote backwaters of the Solomons. Her cameraman has turned up in a local hospital with stories of the attack, though his ranting and gibberish have so far provided no clues as the whereabouts of the rest of the film crew.
The New Zealand Government has so far refused to comment on the attack, however it is understood that John Key broke down in tears at the news, and promised a swift military response to recover the body. When told that she had likely been cooked into some form of delicious local curry and eaten by the village, Key said it reminded him of his days on the ol’ foreign exchange trading floor. He then insisted that he would be unable to attend any public memorial for Bailey, as he had a bake-off to attend, despite the fact that the funeral date has not yet been set.
Bailey rose to fame in New Zealand as a reporter and then anchor of TVNZ’s nightly 6pm news programme. Her position as mother of the nation, while only titular, has left New Zealand feeling orphaned following on as it does from the the death of Sir Edmund Hillary.