Critic Designers Succeed In Land of The Free
News Editor Forced to Write Fawning Article
Critic’s superiority over other student magazines has received further confirmation after three Critic employees were commissioned to design the cover for a recent issue of Newsweek, a US magazine with a readership of 13.2 million.
The design is based on the cover of Critic’s 14th issue, which depicts a man clutching his head and screaming while his face fractures. The Critic cover, which represented depression and mental illness, was featured on Dutch blog Coverjunkie.com, where it was spotted by Newsweek, who then asked the Critic team to recreate the image with a female model.
The new image, which took the Critic team roughly 40 hours to perfect, provided the cover image for the July 16 issue of Newsweek, which discusses the link between internet addiction and mental illness. The designers were Sam Stuch, Sam Clark, and Joe Stockman.
The success of the cover has received significant media attention, with Stockman and Clark appearing on TV1’s Close Up on Wednesday July 11 to be interviewed by Mark “The Walrus” Sainsbury. An internet poll conducted during the show revealed that 85% of viewers agreed that Stockman and Clark “brought great dishonour to Critic and their country as a whole”, while the 15% of dissenting votes were disqualified as they all came from the IP address of Stuch’s mother.
The designers’ success has inevitably gone to their heads, with Stuch revealing that his true surname is the more aristocratic-sounding “Stuchbury”, Clark spending his earnings from the cover on a diamond-encrusted photo of himself with the caption “Bigger than Jesus”, and Stockman using his fifteen minutes of fame as an excuse to add hundreds of people on Facebook in a futile and rather sad attempt to appear popular.