Each week, we lure two singletons to The Captain Cook Hotel, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email critic@critic.co.nz. But be warned--if you dine on the free food and dash without sending us a writeup, a Critic writer will write one under your name. And that won’t end well for you.
Mickey
Finally the clock hit 5:30, and I began to pre-drink for my date that would start an hour and half later. You know you’re a fourth year when you plan a small pre-drink and end up drinking a whole bottle of wine in front of your flatmates before 7pm while simultaneously destroying them in pong. I left my flat drunk and walked into the Cook ten minutes late. Before I walked over the threshold, I saw a pretty brunette at the bar staring straight at me. Sure enough, she was my date.
She recognized me immediately (I didn’t). I met her three days ago on a hike in Wanaka, while waiting for my mates to reappear from the glacier. Before we could talk more, the bartender asked what I wanted to drink. I found the largest and most alcoholic beer and got that. Turns out my date got the same one. Great sign.
Talking at the booth, I found out almost instantly that not only are we from the same state in the US, but she also attends the tiniest liberal arts college my best friend since 8th grade goes to. And yeah, they know each other. After several failed attempts to snapchat him a picture of us, an old man with lots of white and gray hairs came over to our table. He told us to shut up, without making any eye contact with my date. She figured he was sexist; I figured I was the only loud one. I think its picture perfect that the two Americans were asked to quiet down.
We immediately moved booths to one far away from every one else. Our food arrived, and so did our second round of drinks, so I was really feeling it. I wasn’t too hungry, so although we made plans to share our food, it was more like she just stole half of mine. But it was a great time. We never really stopped talking. I don’t remember much after this point (too sloshed), but we ended up walking to hers. I think on the way I invited her to my friend’s wedding party, because we’re still talking about going. Also she somehow stole my potatoes I took to go. At some point I went home, fell asleep, and skipped my lecture.
Minnie
Just when you think the world can’t get any bigger, more anonymous, so many fish in the sea, you go on a blind date in a foreign country and have a night of small world moments.
I tried to be slightly late, I was aiming around 7:04-7:08, not right on time but still respectful you know. Except apparently I undershot my fashionably late time frame cause I was there first. I did what any logical person would do and I hid in the bathroom for a few minutes. Went back out, still not there… so I chatted with the bartender, turns out what a homie.
Around quarter past a blond guy in a Hawaiian shirt walks in and, while earlier this evening I was worried about how we were going to recognize each other, all qualms disappeared cause it was a Tuesday night and everyone there was over 40… So mystery guy walks in, I see him from a distance, the Hawaiian shirt kinda jumps out at ya, and I was like oh this wont be so bad and then imagine my surprise as he gets closer and I recognize the dude.
Lets rewind to my fantastic weekend for a hot second. Here I am hiking the Rob Roy glacier in Wanaka, I was feeling adventurous so I scrambled all the way down and touched the glacier and everything. On my way back there was a guy just chillin with the rest of my group cause he lost his friends. He hikes back to the cars with us for a while. Blame it on the long hike, the redundancy of trail small talk or something, but unfortunately I was not left with the greatest opinion of him coming off the hike.
So recap, he walks into the bar and for a split second I think ‘oh good good’, and then I recognize him and I hit the mental brakes. But once we sat down the conversation didn’t stop. From spirituality to identifying our Avatar element we covered it all. We even found out I go to the same school as and know his childhood best friend—shout out to Greg. The date lasted around 2 hours, ended with ease. We exchanged snapchats, solid and casual form of future contact, and are going to a wedding together later this week. If I drunkly make a speech at the wedding I will be sure to throw in a shout out to the Critic Blind Date. Peace.