Ethel & Hyde | Issue 2

Ethel & Hyde | Issue 2

Help me,

I have a mad boner for my lecturer. Should I make a move on that? Is this legal? Help.

Frustrated

Disclaimer: Student Support advises you to take Ethel’s advice.

Send your questions to:
ethelandhyde@ousa.org.nz

 

Ethel says:

Oh dear, that sounds uncomfortable. There are a few things to consider in your situation, but I will just mention a couple which are important. Firstly, the University has an Ethical Behaviour Policy, which includes some guidelines on intimate personal relationships between university staff and students. The policy says “The University strongly discourages, and staff should avoid entering into, an intimate personal relationship with any student of the University”(Appendix 1 (f)).  Secondly, the same policy also outlines what constitutes sexual harassment. Should you feel so overwhelmed you suddenly express your desires verbally or in a written form, or even a visual form your behaviour, it could be construed as harassment and lead you to a disciplinary proceeding. So in answer to your original question, it is not illegal, but it is really not a good idea and could lead to all sorts of trouble, which would be best avoided. Good luck with finding safer and more ethical ways to relieve your frustration.

Hyde says:

Boom, you are not alone in your pain friend! Time to get inventive with attracting the attention you need, but first implement some features to ensure bulging is concealed. Wikihow has a great page on how to hide an erection. Onto the plan to capture the attention of the sexy beassssst lecturer. You need a fancy certificate proving that you are The Man for The Job, www.certificatemagic.com is where you can award yourself one. Print several copies in colour, preferably on handmade paper. Next, bribe a friend, or a stranger if you have no friends, to deliver you a certificate at the end of a lecture, just as the lecturer is leaving. Make sure they give a small speech about your prowess as a lover. Having caught the lecturer’s attention, act all humble and make an exit, dropping a personalized business card with your details. Race home and spank that monkey!

This article first appeared in Issue 2, 2017.
Posted 2:06pm Sunday 5th March 2017 by Student Support.