Critic Booze Reviews* | Issue 1

Critic Booze Reviews* | Issue 1

Canterbury Cream

Understanding the appeal of Canterbury Cream means knowing a little bit about the New Zealand tax code. You see, the Excise Tax, which applies to all alcohol sold in this country, varies greatly based on the alcohol percentage. The tax per litre of pure alcohol on spirits is $51, and for Beer is $28, but for drinks between 9-14%, this tax is drastically lower, which helps to protect the New Zealand wine industry. Canterbury Cream, of course, caught onto this and took full advantage of the tax code to allow themselves to dominate the market with a significantly worse, but significantly cheaper, version of Baileys, thus allowing middle-aged housewives and attendees at church brunches everywhere to get fucked up on a budget. 

Canterbury Cream is a wonderful drink for all times of day; you can mix it in your morning coffee to get you going, put it in a protein shake to drink during your lecture, sip it as a cheeky dessert to help you get over your food coma and into your alcohol coma. Considering its high dairy and sugar content, it’s not too unhealthy either, coming in at 140 calories per standard, less than most RTD’s. 

I have memories of stealing this stuff from my parents’ liquor cabinet when I was little. Not because I wanted the alcohol, but because it’s freaking delicious. Highly recommended for those back-to-back bender nights when you’re struggling to get anything down, Canterbury Cream is like the best boyfriend you could ask for: sweet, gentle, always making you feel better about yourself, and making every other girl in the room jealous. Everyone always forgets that Canterbury Cream is a legitimate party option, so don’t be afraid to chug it on a night out, just be prepared for people to constantly ask you for some.

 

Taste: Like a warm embrace

Pairs Well With: More Canterbury Cream

Froth Level: 8/10 (provided you can handle your lactose)

 

*2016 ASPA Award Winning Best Column

This article first appeared in Issue 1, 2017.
Posted 1:26pm Sunday 26th February 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer.