Dear Sexcellent,
I’m not really interested in sex. All my friends are off hooking up and whatever, but I don’t want to do that? I think I might be asexual but it’s not like I haven’t had crushes before. What’s going on with me? Would anyone date me if I was never going to have sex with them?
-From Confused
Dear Confused,
It certainly sounds like you might be asexual, or perhaps you’re just not interested in random hook ups? You know yourself much better than I ever will, so I will leave it to you to work out your sexuality. However, I think I can explain some things around asexuality for you.
There’s a bit of a misconception that asexual people aren’t interested in relationships at all. Asexuality relates only to your sexual self—so you may not want to have sex with people, but you’re totally okay with having romantic relationships. Someone can be asexual but still have romantic desires. Someone could also lack romantic desires and still have sexual desires. One could even be both non-romantic and asexual. Everyone’s different.
There are other asexual, romantic people out there in the world. Furthermore, you don’t have to be involved in a sexual relationship in order to have a fulfilling and meaningful relationship with someone. Perhaps if you’re asexual, you could consider being in an open relationship with your partner if they are not also asexual—although only enter into this kind of relationship if you’re actually comfortable with this set up. Work out what works best for you and your partner.
Don’t give in to pressure to have sex, or enter into any kind of relationship you are uncomfortable with. There’s nothing wrong with you—this is just where you sit on the broad and wonderful sexual spectrum.
For further support and guidance I urge you to seek out OUSA queer support. They have so many resources and friendly people who will be able to help you through your journey of self-discovery.
Love,
-S xx