Chrystal
Critic may have messed up the night we sent you, but you were cold and lonely.
First off, I was totally surprised at how quickly this date was arranged! Monday night my flattie nominated me with the subject line, “Cold & lonely third year seeking company”. Sweet, great start!
After a day of telling a few mates what I was up to and having the standard pre-date shots, I was off. Being a punctual gal like myself, I arrived at 7pm on the dot with him arriving only 2 minutes later - good start.
I’m sure you’re familiar with the old saying don’t screw the crew? Well this guy was on my floor at Unicol in first year. So while I was stoked to have a catch up over some delicious cocktails and food, I was ultimately just hanging out with one of my mates I’d friend-zoned a long, long time ago. Despite this, we played a couple of rounds of never have I ever and he asked if I had ever had sex in a public place (looking back, his intentions were pretty clear from the start).
We moved to Re:fuel and after a drink there went for a walk. Again naïve me did not connect the dots so I was genuinely surprised when we arrived at his flat. Then came a standard flat tour and meeting his fatties blah blah blah… [Critic wasn’t sure whether to edit this line.]
Things picked up when he took me to his room and shut the door … but not in the way you’re hoping to read about. He locked eyes with me across the room, and moved in for the kill. However the feelings were not quite reciprocated. After a bit of tongue and some 13 year old hand to boob action, I decided I needed to bail. That wasn’t before one last, desperate request: “Can we just have oral sex?” When I politely declined, he assured me we wouldn’t have to write about it. As tempting as that sounded, I edged closer to the door, but not without his final attempt to seduce me by grabbing my butt. I wish I could say that it sent me into a frenzy and we had wild, passionate sex the entire night, but I was outta there faster than a fresher signs a flat.
Thanks Critic and Di Lusso for an interesting experience, which I will hopefully forget in the near future.
Dom
Sorry bro, it was nothing to do with the brother/sister vibes. And who actually did arrive first?
It’s Tuesday, and the squad ain’t going up. I’m optimistically cleaning the flat while drinking some quality $8 goon to get in the zone. As the last sip of vingary nectar runs over my taste buds the clock’s ticking; it’s time to brush and get some serious glad-rags on. A quick coffee goes down and then my flatmate drops me off in the most quintessential piece of a vehicle you’ve ever seen.
Walking toward Di Lusso, things are coming up Milhouse. Vibes are right, there’s deer on the wall, wow. I come in hot on the bartender “I’m here for the blind date”. He points me to the girl in my periphery, I take a look and, oh fuck. She’s from my floor in first year. Fuck Critic, sort your facebook stalking out for christ sake.
We ordered some cocktails to begin. I’m a bit of bloke’s bloke so naturally I got the pink penguin- real nice, tall glass, fruity little fern in there, just great. As we sat down I made a quick decision based on the following; 1) Since the hall days we’ve had a solid ‘sup’ average of 1 per year, 2) She was looking good, 3) I didn’t sign up for a bedtime wank. From that point on it was all business.
“So what’s your name?” Classic. “What’s your favourite colour?” Banter. What can I say guys? I’m a regular skux alright. Pretty easy chat, we’re on the same page in terms of getting steamed and this segued the fresher reminisce into more intimate affairs.
Fate deemed boogie nights a no-go being early so we headed for Refuel. She got the first and only round (cheers) before getting a walk on back to mine after some touching open-mic punk. After a beautiful flat tour, a bedroom makeout session ensued with further activities disallowed due to hall-living “brother/sister vibes” getting in the way. Understanding that you must always draw the line with siblings at intense pashing, a brief two-finger-sting is as intimate as this affair got you masturbaters.
All in all a good night. Big love to Di Lusso for bril staff and food.