Ad-lib Advice

October 15, 2007 11:31

Q) Hi, my name is Kris Allen and I’m the Otago Commerce and Science student who got the tattoo on my thigh to celebrate the All Blacks’ World Cup wins in 2007 and 2011. I am well aware they lost. I got this tattoo four weeks ago. Any ideas of how I can cope with the shame of my stupidity?

Oh well done, well done indeed. I’ve decided to give you a list of available options … but ha! Theatre students are meant to be the crazy ones, but you’ve successfully shown us that not only Commerce, but Commerce and Science students are equally insane! You must’ve been crazy to think that was a good idea! Anyway:
• Wear tight, revealing clothing that exposes your thigh.
• Try to convince everyone that the All Blacks actually won both world cups, and that it is 2012.
• Milk your ODT stardom for all it’s worth.
• Use the tattoo to somehow convince the All Blacks that you’re their No.1 fan, and meet them.
• Look for a girlfriend who has an equally regrettable tattoo (so you can ‘bond’ over them). Something like OMG!!11!1 should do.
• You share the same mentality as most of this country with your optimism (I can’t believe they covered the World Cup loss on the news before a story about people dying). People commiserating with you will probably buy you drinks in bars.
• Add to the bottom of your tattoo: “Yeah, in backwards world!” People will think you’re hilarious.
• Helen Clark would probably love to meet you. Try and convince her that she should have got one of these tattoos too to show how much she supported the All Blacks, because if she had, maybe they would have won.
• Watch your back, because middle-aged Dunedinites will probably use you as a key example of what students are like in Dunedin. Hell, it’s better than everyone thinking we’re piss-heads, but being known as the zealous rugby town? *Shudder*
• Actually, scratch that. Middle-aged Dunedinites will think you are adorable. It has something to do with the rugged looks, probably. But it’s because you look like a rugby player yourself.
• Use the tattoo to somehow get into the All Blacks. Claim that with dedication like yours, there is no way they can lose the 2011 World Cup.
• Mock your flatmates for being too pussy to get the tattoo done. What was the outline of the dare anyway? Do they have to buy you drinks until 2011 now? Why didn’t the ODT cover this angle, huh?
• And lastly, rub off that fake tattoo now you’ve got the masses of attention you craved. You can just cover your ‘tattoo’ with shorts anyway. Snap!