News / Proctology
recent News/Proctology
by Aimee Gulliver | 2:33 am, 17/10/2011
In our last meeting of the year, the Proctor was very keen to “blow Campus Watch’s trumpet.” We were a bit taken back by this statement, but really what consenting adults get up to in their own time is none of our business.
by Aimee Gulliver | 5:06 am, 19/09/2011
Critic is starting to suspect the Proctor has mistaken us for Dr Dolittle, as we’re kicking off this week with yet another animal story – this time involving the exciting chase of a loose rabbit. At least it wasn’t a loose pussy; nobody would be interested in chasing that.
by Aimee Gulliver | 11:39 pm, 22/08/2011
The snow hadn’t been causing the Proctor too much trouble when Critic spoke to him, and he had even been deploying Campus Watch in a truck to drive people home safely. Critic immediately formed a completely inaccurate mental image of a pickup truck doing burnouts through the snow with bogan Castle St residents hanging off the back clubbing baby seals.
by Aimee Gulliver | 4:51 am, 11/08/2011
Critic hadn’t had a rendezvous with the Proctor since before the holidays, so we were expecting a good haul of stories when we strolled into his mighty chambers of justice. Disappointingly, Re-O Week seems to have been a relatively tame affair, with no stories of note from our favourite disciplinarian. Thankfully, however, the pre-holiday period was much livelier, with the University experiencing an influx of wild animals that would have given Steve Irwin a wet dream.
by Aimee Gulliver | 3:28 am, 06/07/2011
The Proctor had some words of wisdom to impart this week about “planking”, a recent fad that involves lying down with your arms by your sides in weird public places and photographing it. In short; don’t do it.
Proctology - 16
by Tailgunner Joe | 3:59 am 20/07/2010
Over the holidays, most people either went home for the winter, or gathered in their lounges coming up with urban myths about how cold and disgusting Dunedin is.
Hot air about cold weather is as much a part the Otago Student Experience™ as wearing your old school uniform to costume parties and having flings with people you won’t have to deal with next year. As always, the rule is the colder you make it sound, the tougher you look.
The absence of students over the break left the Proctor free to work on his annual report, which has been occupying much of his time recently. He didn’t even have any complaints about the closure of the sad, dreary, grubby Gardies, except for one young jerk who tried to steal the sign (“he got about half a block before we caught him.”) Mayor Peter Chin’s much-lamented liquor ban was, the Proctor explained, merely a contingency plan in case things got nasty, since it would have made it easier to clear the area.
The Proctor has also just installed a third (!) arms locker in his office. He’s been trying to get this idea of a centralised, secure, public-service gun safe on campus off the ground for a while, and now that it’s working the demand for the service has required its immediate expansion. The Proctor now has a speargun, a crossbow, and about thirty other heaters of various descriptions locked away where nefarious, over-exuberant, and stupid people can’t get them, and encourages anyone else who has a gun to pass it to him for safekeeping between hunting trips.
Although nobody was stupid over the break, there was one cutely silly incident involving a young lady who’s concurrently enrolled here and at a university in Scotland that insisted she sit an exam at exactly the same time as it was being run over there. Prolonged negotiation failed to dissuade them from this, which meant the poor girl had to sit an exam in the Campus Watch office, between 1.30 and 4.30 in the morning. Now that’s something to yarn about.
