News / Proctology
recent News/Proctology
by Aimee Gulliver | 2:33 am, 17/10/2011
In our last meeting of the year, the Proctor was very keen to “blow Campus Watch’s trumpet.” We were a bit taken back by this statement, but really what consenting adults get up to in their own time is none of our business.
by Aimee Gulliver | 5:06 am, 19/09/2011
Critic is starting to suspect the Proctor has mistaken us for Dr Dolittle, as we’re kicking off this week with yet another animal story – this time involving the exciting chase of a loose rabbit. At least it wasn’t a loose pussy; nobody would be interested in chasing that.
by Aimee Gulliver | 11:39 pm, 22/08/2011
The snow hadn’t been causing the Proctor too much trouble when Critic spoke to him, and he had even been deploying Campus Watch in a truck to drive people home safely. Critic immediately formed a completely inaccurate mental image of a pickup truck doing burnouts through the snow with bogan Castle St residents hanging off the back clubbing baby seals.
by Aimee Gulliver | 4:51 am, 11/08/2011
Critic hadn’t had a rendezvous with the Proctor since before the holidays, so we were expecting a good haul of stories when we strolled into his mighty chambers of justice. Disappointingly, Re-O Week seems to have been a relatively tame affair, with no stories of note from our favourite disciplinarian. Thankfully, however, the pre-holiday period was much livelier, with the University experiencing an influx of wild animals that would have given Steve Irwin a wet dream.
by Aimee Gulliver | 3:28 am, 06/07/2011
The Proctor had some words of wisdom to impart this week about “planking”, a recent fad that involves lying down with your arms by your sides in weird public places and photographing it. In short; don’t do it.
Proctology - 13
by TailGunner Joe | 8:15 pm 11/07/2010
While sitting in the Proctor’s waiting room this week I couldn’t help overhearing him tell someone that “If you come up here again you’ll be getting a thousand-dollar fine.”
That someone then left his office with a cheerful and satisfied expression on her face, indicating once again the Proctor’s rare gift for putting the fear of God into someone without coming across as the bad guy. In his office myself, I didn’t hear what that particular threat was about (confidentiality clauses, etc.), and in fact learned that recent student behaviour had actually been fairly ordinary:
• In fact, the big threat recently has come from a group of “local louts” who have apparently taken a flat somewhere near campus for the specific purpose of intimidating, and possibly assaulting, students. No blows have yet been exchanged, but threats have been made, so it may be worth keeping an eye out for yourself over the next wee while.
• Although it’s May, there are still a few flats for whom the novelty value of unsupervised drinking and staying up past bedtime hasn’t quite worn off. We appreciate that there are a lot of people who are just here for the Otago Student Experience™, and we wish them every success on their three-year, $20 000 bender. However, the Proctor would like to remind them that, despite what you see in the ads, this is an institution of learning, and exams are coming up. Please be considerate.
• Car jumping – leaping onto the bonnet of a parked car, bounding over the roof and landing on the other side, with the potential for significant and costly damage to all concerned – is an occasional craze on campus, and resurfaced lately during a party in the quarter. This has been established because the offenders in question did it across the road from a parked police car. Fines ensued.
Dumb idea of the week
While collaring that car-jumping nitwit, the police were surprised to see one of his mates copying him – by jumping over the police car. These guys have tasers, you know.
