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by Aimee Gulliver | 2:33 AM, 17/10/11

In our last meeting of the year, the Proctor was very keen to “blow Campus Watch’s trumpet.” We were a bit taken back by this statement, but really what consenting adults get up to in their own time is none of our business.

by Aimee Gulliver | 5:06 AM, 19/09/11

Critic is starting to suspect the Proctor has mistaken us for Dr Dolittle, as we’re kicking off this week with yet another animal story – this time involving the exciting chase of a loose rabbit. At least it wasn’t a loose pussy; nobody would be interested in chasing that.

by Aimee Gulliver | 11:39 PM, 22/08/11

The snow hadn’t been causing the Proctor too much trouble when Critic spoke to him, and he had even been deploying Campus Watch in a truck to drive people home safely. Critic immediately formed a completely inaccurate mental image of a pickup truck doing burnouts through the snow with bogan Castle St residents hanging off the back clubbing baby seals.

by Aimee Gulliver | 4:51 AM, 11/08/11

Critic hadn’t had a rendezvous with the Proctor since before the holidays, so we were expecting a good haul of stories when we strolled into his mighty chambers of justice. Disappointingly, Re-O Week seems to have been a relatively tame affair, with no stories of note from our favourite disciplinarian. Thankfully, however, the pre-holiday period was much livelier, with the University experiencing an influx of wild animals that would have given Steve Irwin a wet dream.

by Aimee Gulliver | 3:28 AM, 06/07/11

The Proctor had some words of wisdom to impart this week about “planking”, a recent fad that involves lying down with your arms by your sides in weird public places and photographing it. In short; don’t do it.